Recap: Another Round The Twist -- Toy Love

I was actually planning on recapping an episode of Barney the Dinosaur today, but YouTube seems to have, uh, lost it somehow. I don't get how, all I know is that I was watching the first part not long ago, and now it seems to have disappeared. I guess copyright laws strike again. Fuck you, justice system.

New readers, I suggest you catch up by glancing at any other Round the Twist material on this site. (Trust me, there's plenty.) Old readers, please remember that I used to ship Linda and James Gribble Jr. something fierce. Remember that? Do you? Huh? Well, this episode I'm recapping for you today is the episode where THEY GET TOGETHER. Well, kinda. There's a whole supernatural element to it, but they're totally in LUV.

(And by the way, this is the first episode I'm recapping with the new cast in it. Remember all those familiar faces from my previous screencaps? Forget them. They're dead to you now. This gang is way cooler, anyway.)


This episode begins with Bronson picking his nose. He's very into that at the moment, despite the fact that he's like ten years old, and do ten-year-olds still do that? Fay comes downstairs with a box of junk, and declares that they're going to have a big clean-out. Linda appears and reminds us that she's in love with total nerd-burger Anthony.

Backstory time: in previous episodes, Linda found a book called the Viking Book of Love. Every time someone reads a poem from the book out loud, the person they're reading to (or looking at) falls madly in love with them. Anthony read the book to Linda in the hopes of winning her favour last, and it worked a treat.

The kids go out to the front of the lighthouse to see what Fay's thrown out. A couple of Linda's old childhood dolls are sitting on top of the pile, including a Michael Jackson doll. You had better believe that Michael Jackson jokes ensue. (Example: Fay asks what happened to the doll's nose and chin, and Linda replies, "Fell off.") Tony picks up the other doll, a dirty-faced porcelain girl with a pull-string at the back, and reminisces about how annoying her "cuddle me" shriek was. Linda makes a throwaway comment about how she used to turn on her music box to make Veronique go to sleep. But alas, Veronique remains on top of the pile while Linda rescues her Michael doll. This is doll favouritism, folks, and as we'll soon discover, unloved dolls are much like unloved children -- they go batshit nuts. (That wasn't an intentional Michael Jackson joke, but I can see why you'd think that.)

Seriously. No jokes about this.

At school the next day, Gribbs is showing the Viking Book of Love to Tiger and Rabbit. I can't remember how he got the book, but you just know he's going to use it for shenanigans. Rabbit backs away and reminds us of a previous episode when he read a poem to Nell, and she fell in love with him. Tiger's response:

"It was such a beautiful thing -- you're 14, she's 110. She was so hot for
you, and still you wouldn't let her go the French kiss."

Above: proof that Tom Budge was the best Tiger in the history of the show. Rabbit tells Gribbs to be careful, and Gribbs tells him that he's not dumb enough to read one of the poems. I think he means again, because if memory serves, he read it into a mirror and fell in love with himself at one point. Anyway, he spies Linda and decides to make her his patsy. Dirrty! Gribbs, I would've been your patsy anyday.

In class, Mr. Snapper is rambling on about Shakespeare, and Gribbs speaks up and says that he uses way too many words. On account of him being a writer and everything. He tells Snapper that he's really into the Viking Book of Love right now (the identity of which is concealed using wrapping paper) and asks if Linda could read a poem or two out to the class. Of course she does, glaring at Gribbs the whole time, and Gribbs falls in love. Gribbs and Linda. In love! Twelve-year-old Lorelai nearly fell off her seat when she first saw this. Anyway, Snapper confiscates the book, and Gribbs tells her, "Let's not worry about possessions, now that we've found each other."

Back at the lighthouse, Fay and Linda are getting rid of more junk, when who should appear at the door but Gribbs! Linda tells him to get lost, and he thinks it's great that she's not into hoarding. Then he grabs a fake spider off the junk pile and nicks off. Dang, Gribbs, you hot thing. Linda will come around. You know she will.

We have a little music montage where all the Twists bring their junk back into the house. It seems they really are into hoarding after all, Gribbs. They eventually take everything in...except Veronique the unloved doll! She utters a creepy, "Cuddle me," just to let us know that bitch means business.

In the garage, Bronson is fixing a paper plane with the aid of super glue. On his finger. Which he then inserts into his nose in search of booger gold. Like you didn't know that was coming.

That night, Linda is fast asleep in bed next to her creepy Michael doll. Honestly, why are all of Linda's dolls so weird? The weirdest doll I ever had as a child was Shred, a handsome Ken figurine who became disfigured in a freak lawnmower accident. (Number two on my list of Ways Dad Wrecked My Childhood, just behind the incident where he taped over The Little Mermaid with a stupid soccer game.) Anyway, Linda's busy sharing her bed with Michael Jackson, and I'm busy not making jokes about this, when suddenly she hears, "Cuddle me!" Veronique is back, motherfuckers! Linda screams and screams, and when her family finally get their arses into her room, the doll is nowhere to be seen.

The next morning, Bronson comes downstairs with the neck of his jumper sitting just under his eyes, as though he's trying to conceal his nose area. Strange. Oh yeah, his finger's still jammed up there. Jesus, Bronson, see a doctor or something. Fay interrogates the family as to why they brought in all their "unwanted" crap, and when there's a knock at the door, they all jump up to get it. Holy day, it's Gribbs, ready to walk Linda to the bus stop! He's so thoughtful and gorgeous, in a fourteen-year-old kind of way. Linda obliges, because she's totally falling in love with him too.

You can see it in her eyes.

The whole gang is waiting for the bus at the bus stop, and when Linda pulls out her homework to give to Fiona, she finds Veronique in her backpack! Veronique the insane doll! Infiltrating backpacks! Bitch is one pathological toy. This is nightmare-inducing. This is probably how Sid felt in Toy Story when Woody did that spinning head thing and told him to play nice. Not so funny now, is it, kids? This shit happens to nice people, too, apparently, so you'd better start reminding your My Little Ponies how much you love them before they organise a stampede on your arses.

"We'll fuck your shit up."

Tiger and Rabbit give Linda shit for bringing her doll to school, and play a little bit of keepings-off. Gribbs spoils their fun and gives Veronique back to Linda, telling her that she doesn't need to be ashamed of her dolly. Linda maintains that she's not, but just in case, she runs over to the dumpster and throws Veronique in, yelling, "Leave me alone!" The bullies follow her, and Tiger and Rabbit laugh about how Linda's talking to her dolly. Linda runs off, Gribbs hot on her heels, and Tiger and Rabbit decide to fish around in the dumpster for Veronique. But if you think Veronique can't hold her own against two fourteen-year-old bullies, you're dead wrong -- she latches onto Rabbit's face like a crazed cat or something. It's...well, it's kind-of awesome, actually.

See? Awesome.

At home, Tony and Pete are making apple crumble in an attempt to coax Bronson out of his room. It works, and they realise that super glue + nose-picking = not a fun situation. At least Pete gets to do his David Attenborough impression by chronicalling the daily life of the "elephant man."

Linda goes up to her room and finds her Michael doll missing. She is apparently unhappy with this turn of events, if her screaming, "WHERE'S MY MICHAEL DOLL?!!!" is anything to go by. There is a knock on the door, and Linda, thinking it's Veronique, opens it and yells out, "I will not cuddle you!" Of course, it's Gribbs, complete with flowers and chocolate. (As if you couldn't get more appealing, Gribbsy Boy!) Gribbs is disheartened, but maintains that the two of them can work their way up to cuddling. Funny, too. Surely you can't blame adolescent Lorelai for being head-over-heels in love with this dude.

I still am a little bit.

Veronique takes this opportunity to rush in while the door's open. Crafty little doll. Linda's gone full-on crazy now, and this exchange happens:

Linda: Are you sure you didn't bring her back from the recycling bin?
Tony: Fay?
Gribbs: Is Fay getting recycled?
Linda: I bet she's upstairs.
Gribbs: When did she go upstairs?
Tony: I didn't even hear her come home.

Obviously that poses a serious question -- is a porcelain doll really recyclable? Anyway, Linda rushes upstairs, kicks down her own bedroom door for what I must assume is dramatic effect, and finds the place trashed. Gribbs wonders why Fay would trash Linda's room, and Linda tells him that it wasn't Fay, it was Veronique. Gribbs's rather intelligent respose: "That's a pretty small doll to do all this. Maybe if it was a big doll..." Well, it was intelligent for Gribbs. Linda gets the idea to lure Veronique out of hiding...with the music box she so casually mentioned at the start of the episode.

(By the way, I recognise that music box as a Fun N' Fashion one. I had so many of them because my uncle used to be one of the bigwigs at that particular company. I was even featured on the back of one of their packages, the ever popular Make-A-Fashion-Accessory. It's how I can put 'former child model' on my resume and not be lying.)

Downstairs, Pete and Tony are trying to get Bronson's finger out of his nose. It seems my suggestion of TAKING HIM TO A FUCKING DOCTOR has gone largely unnoticed. Instead they're using that whole 'tie a piece of string to the doorknob thing' that kids use in movies and Babysitters Club books to get their loose teeth out. It does not work. Linda and Gribbs come downstairs, and Linda pushes him out the door, muttering something about how great it was walking down the stairs with him. She totally doesn't mean it...yet. Gribbs feels that they're really connecting.

Linda goes up to her room with a hockey stick to finish off Crazy!Doll for good. And boy, is that doll crazy. It's now wearing a completely different expression, which is nigh on impossible for a doll with a painted-on face to do, and her eyes are glowing red. Yeah, red. This doll has managed to be infinitely scarier than all the supposedly badass vampires in Twilight, and it's only been twenty minutes. (In case you're interested, I totally just typo'd that as 'campires'. Best. Typo. Ever.) Linda menacingly tells Veronique to "cuddle my stick, dolly!" which definitely deserves a Dirrty!, don't you think?

Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to sleep tonight?

Back at the meeting of the Rhodes Scholars, Tony and Pete finally manage to pull Bronson's finger out of his nose with the aid of olive oil.

As Linda's facing off with Veronique, Bronson walks in with the Michael doll. He claims that he was just trying to fix Michaels' soundbox, but I don't know if I'm going to believe him. Cue the heartfelt music as Michael walks (yes, walks) over to Veronique as she begs him to cuddle her. Because that's what this whole thing's been about -- the love between two inanimate obects, not revenge of one inanimate obects over her former human companion. (Suck it, Chuckie!) All Veronique was looking for was to be Michael's Billie Jean! Naww!

Still not making any jokes about this.

And that's the end of this most historic RTT episode. The next one on the DVD is the conclusion of the Gribbs/Linda (Glinda) love affair, which I'm going to have to watch but won't recap for you...well, not today, anyway.

Round the Twist: Next Time Around

I don't mean to double-up on already recapped shows (it will happen eventually, once I run out of shows I like), but I'm afraid once again my Internet connection is being a douche and not letting me watch YouTube videos. I was halfway though watching Kanye publicly humiliating Taylor Swift (homeboy should not allowed out in public!) when it just stopped and I can't get it to work again. Now I've asked around, and there is literally no explanation for this. It's not them, it's me. I just...I don't even know. Occasionally, life is a bitch.

Sometimes when some aspects of life are, uh, bitches, others will find a way of letting you know that the big guy upstairs (God or Santa, depending upon your beliefs) hasn't forgotten about you. Yesterday, I was at my local Blockbuster Video, which is weird in itself because I never go there to buy DVDs. Nothing against Blockbuster; I just don't associate it with DVD purchasing. It's more of a rental place, but I'm a collector and not much into rentals. As it turns out, the ex-rental section of your local video store is a veritable Aladdin's cave of all things old-school. I found a copy of Round the Twist in less than seven seconds flat. Within two minutes I'd also found Little Elvis Jones, Postman Pat and a whole bunch of newer shit I have no interest in. Point is, Blockbuster rocks the party. It really does. (I didn't actually have my wallet on me, but I did manage to scrounge up my church change and buy Round the Twist for a mere five buckeroos. That's value, people.

So we're back to Round the Twist. In this episode, 'Next Time Around', Linda goes hypnosis-crazy and accidentally turns Pete into a chicken...and a firefighter...and a genius. To tell you the truth, I could've snarked any one of these episodes, because they're all comedy gold. (Thanks in large part to ranga Gribbs and his gang.) If YouTube doesn't start playing nice, expect more.


Our episode begins at the lighthouse. Pete, Linda and Bronson go out the front door...only to discover that their beloved lighthouse has been vandalised with 'Vote 1 Harold Gribble' posters. Now it's one thing to use the lighthouse as a vehicle for political sentiment, but it's a different kettle of fish if it's praising Harold Gribble. How dare they! He's EVIL! Of course, we know who's putting up the posters, don't we? It's our favourite tween bullies -- Gribbs, Tiger and Rabbit! Huzzah! They're very meticulous, too, and they've even got matching Harold Gribble T-shirts. Boo-yah, I need to get me one of those! Pete demands to know what all of this is, and Gribbs awesomely says, "Democracy at work." Hee! Gribbs, be mine.


Tony and Nell rock up, and Tony's holding a rooster for reasons that are yet to be established. Tony's mad. Nell's madder. Mr. Gribble and the Matron arrive, talking about how Mr. Gribble is running for senator. There's a mention of a casino planned, an idea we all know will come to fruition in the Yuckles episode, so that's a nice bit of continuity there. Gribbs is like, "Not now, Dad. Mr. Twist is about to chuck a wobbly. A big wobbly." Why is it that I can always count on Round the Twist for my daily dose of lame nineties slang? It's refreshing, in a sad sort of way. And seriously, how did Mr. Gribble think he was going to get away with this? Ohh, that's right -- the posters are a plot device to get all the main characters together. Since this is the new cast's first episode and all. Pretty clever, scriptwriters.

Later on, Linda's reading a book about hypnosis. I guess this is the hippie side of Linda taking over again. She does that sometimes. (Except in the last series, they turned her into a complete legume-eating nutjob. So not impressed.) Pete explains to Bronson that some people believe in past lives, and that Bronson must've been a pig. Or a hippopotamus. Or a fridge. Get it, 'cause he eats a lot? Glutton Bronson's another thing that got old as the series went on.

Fay comes around with a bottle of wine for Tony. As they greet each other, Pete and Bronson mock them. It's funny. Fay only hears Bronson mocking her, though, and you can tell it pisses her off a bit. We're only one episode in, and already we're into the Bronson-hates-Fay storyline. Finally -- finally! -- someone decides to ask what the fuck Tony's doing with a chicken on the dinner table. Thank you! How did we get this far without anybody asking that?! Apparently Russell the rooster can count. All Tony does is say, "Russell, number four," and Russell pecks the table four times. (Thanks to some beyond shonky early-nineties SFX.) Always the smartarse, Pete says, "Russell, number 5,622." Russell goes berserk because not only can the little guy understand numbers, he also knows that if he's given large numbers to peck, he's gotta pick up the pace. Smart chook.


Apparently there's a section in Linda's book about hypnotising chickens. How very convenient. Tony's like, "Don't fucking hypnotise my counting rooster, Linda," which I think is a fair enough rule for a father to lay down. By the next morning, Linda's broken the rule and started trying to hypnotise Russell. Linda, shame. And you're supposed to be the good kid! Pete tells her it'll never work, and Bronson hilariously says, "Stuff in books never does!" Hee! Linda makes some clucking sounds, and whaddaya know? Russell freezes on the spot. Pete's all impressed at her mad hypnotising skillz now. Um, why? All she did was give Russell a severe case of rigour mortis...without the 'mortis' part. (Hopefully.)


Pete tells her to hypnotise him (because the chicken hypnosis ended so well?), and at first Linda refuses. Then Pete dares her. Because if you're a character in a kids' show and someone dares you to do something, you totally have to do it. And before you ask, yes, Linda's hypnotism method involves the phrase, "You are feeling veeery sleeepy!" Not at all unoriginal, RTT. She tells him that when she says "now," he has to act like a chicken for ten seconds. And you know what, kids? It totally works. I'm not even kidding. Not only that, but it wasn't a one-time deal -- any time anyone says the word 'now', Pete acts like a chicken. Surely this will result in a number of crazy hijinks throughout the episode! I'm counting on it.

Tony tells the kids that it's time for school, and Pete decides that the best thing to do with the now-frozen Russell is to bring him to school. Because Tony won't notice that his rooster's missing or anything. Oh, and they're using a stuffed chicken as Russell now, in case you were interested to know how they got that rooster to stand still for so long. It's actually a little bit creepy. In the car, Tony uses the word 'now', and Chicken!Pete returns. Gotta love that Chicken!Pete.

When they get to school, Gribbs and his pals immediately notice that Pete has a chicken in his bag. Since bringing poultry to school is not usually the norm, not even in crazy kangaroo-riding Australia, they decide to do the only thing they could do in this situation, really...play footy with it. Yeah, I don't get it either. They throw it and kick it around, Rabbit commentating the whole time, and feathers and shit are flying everywhere. Fuck me, if that rooster wasn't dead before...


Eventually, Gribbs throws Russell into the air and Pete marks it, specky-style. Them's some mad footballing skillz, Pete. Even Gribbs admits that it's a good mark -- he actually claps. I kind-of like it when the bullies are friendly with the Twists. I don't really know why. (Maybe it's the Gribbs/Linda shipper in me.) In all the other seasons, they're mortal enemies except for the last episode, where they inevitably must team together to defeat some sort of evil. But this season, there's a bit of respect going on between them. I think they'd be famous friends if they didn't, you know, not like each other.

Finally -- finally! -- Rabbit asks Bronson why Pete's got a chicken at school. THANK YOU! Why are the obvious questions always the last to be asked?! Bronson, being a lame douchebag, tells the bullies the whole story -- that Linda hypnotised the chicken, and then she hypnotised Pete into acting like a chicken whenever someone says the word 'now'. Oh come on, Bronson! Of all the people to tell that shit to, you go with Gribbs and Co.? Really? You little idiot.

In school, Mr. Snapper is teaching a lesson about reincarnation. You mean the topic Pete and Linda just happened to be talking about before? How very convenient. Gribbs says he didn't do his homework last night because he was helping Mr. Gribble with his campaign. Or as he says, "I was doing political studies." Gribbs is a great spin doctor, he really is. Mr. Snapper tells Gribbs he can do it now. Of course, as soon as he says the word 'now', Chicken!Pete returns. The whole class finds this hysterical, especially Gribbs. He's like, "Wow, Dumb Shit Twist was right! I'm so gonna have fun with this!"


Later on, everyone's silently doing their work, when Gribbs leans forward and stage-whispers, "Now!" Pete starts acting like a chicken again. He even pecks at Mr. Snapper. Cut straight to Pete in the yard, surrounded by the bullies and a whole bunch of nondescript students screaming, "Now!" over and over again. It's a pisser. Comedy gold. Gribbs and the gang are WIN+.

Pete gets held back at school for all the chicken behaviour. Apparently that kind of thing's not tolerated at Port Niranda High. Hmm. As punishment, Mr. Snapper gives him a whole lot of maths problems to solve. Ugh, there is no worse punishment in my mind. Pete's just happy to get out of there without Snapper using the word 'now.'

Okay, now this next part is hysterical. Just plain hysterical. The bullies are roaming the halls, looking for Pete, singing "Now, now now, now now now now now now!" to the tune of Mozart's 'A Little Night Music'. Gribbs even does a little jig as he passes Linda and Fiona. Best. RTT. Moment. Ever. Richard Young, Drew Campbell...even the dick who plays Rabbit, you are all legends. LEGENDS!

As soon as they leave (and finish what will forever be known as the Now Symphony), Linda and Fiona open the cupboard they were leaning on. Pete's in there, ears blocked. Naww. I find it very hard to sympathise with you, Petie, because you kind-of asked for it. Literally. It's about three seconds before Fiona says the word 'now.' Jeez. Fiona, do you not get what we're doing here? Someone fill Fiona in on the rules of the game.

The three walk outside, and are puzzled to see a group of snails on the floor. Pete realises what's up instantly, but before he can back the fuck away, the bullies do the big villain reveal, and Gribbs calmly says, "Hey, Pete! Now, mate, now." Chicken!Pete comes to life and eats the snails. Ew. That is wrong on an awfully large number of levels. I think I like the bullies better when they're serenading us with jaunty songs.


At home, the Twists and Fay are eating dinner. Pete's solved his little 'now' problem -- he's got his Walkman (snigger!) playing full-blast. Tony's not impressed that he seems to be ignoring Fay and tells him to be sociable. Old Nell rushes over with her little nephew Tom in tow. (The twins are going to babysit him.) Tom is just about the cutest child ever, might I say. Nell's off to the council meeting to try and stop Harold Gribble from...um, well I don't know, really. She can't stop him running for senator. I don't know what she actually thinks she's going to do, but okay. Nell's a crazy old moll. There's a funny little bit where Pete's worried that Nell will say the word 'now', and keeps covering his ears and looking like a douche. Poor Pete. It's just not his day.

After the adults leave, Linda decides that it's about time she un-chickened Pete and re-chickened Russell. Somehow she gets her shit confused, and reverts Pete back to a past life, where he was a fireman. The fact that Linda’s practising hypnotism with dental floss is kind-of a red flag. Fireman!Pete manages to lock Linda and little Tom out of the house, take the hose into the living room and fight an invisible fire. I just...God, I don't even know. Round the Twist loses me sometimes. And for the love of all that is holy, some please confiscate Pete Twist’s butt-fugly sweaters! Where’s the humanity?!


Linda apparently hasn't had enough failure for one day. She decides that the best thing to do after a hypnosis-gone-wrong is to try more hypnosis. Oh my fucking God, Linda, get a clue. She starts hypnotising the toddler in front of her, and suddenly those Babysitters Club brats no longer seem like the worst people to leave your kids with. At least none of them ever tried to hyptnotise their charges. (Have they..?) One thing that pisses me off is that Linda keeps calling Tom "Baby". For what reason? He's not even a baby! If I can learn his name, so can you, Linda. Maybe it's a nod to Dirty Dancing that I just don't get.

Linda gets Tom to revert back to his former life...as a pro wrestler. I so believe that. Little Tom the wrestler manages to kick down the lighthouse door, pick up Pete and do some wrestling moves on him. Again, nineties special effects reign supreme here. I think having small children lift teenagers over their heads must fall into the "it was funnier when we were younger" category. Fireman!Pete's already flooded the house fighting his nonexistent fire, though, so I see trouble ahead.


Tony gets home. Dude is pissed. Again, rightfully so -- they did flood his house. Tony's actually a half-decent parent sometimes. (The leaving-a-three-year-old-with-a-hypnosis-obsessed-teenage-girl thing aside, obviously.) He yells at the kids for the flood "because Tom could've gotten a chill!" Um, Tony? Your stupid-arse daughter fucking hypnotised the kid! Remember? But no seriously, yell at her for the chill thing. The point is, you're still yelling at her. Tony tells the kids to clean up the flood. As he bloody should. The only problem is, Pete spends the whole night doing it...and doesn't do his maths problems! Oh noes! Snapper's gonna be super angwy!


The next morning, Linda's holding everybody up. She says she's been "talking to Russell", and then gives Pete his maths homework. Oh, don't tell me...Russell can do algebra as well? I guess Linda must've un-hypnotised him, then, 'cause the last time I checked, dude was frozen stiff. And how unnecessary is it for Linda to make Russell do Pete's homework? It's called a fucking calculator, Linda, jeez.

Cut straight to Pete sleeping before school. There's a crowd around him, singing a 'now' song again. (Led by his royal highness, James Gribble.) This time the melody is a sort of rocky-jazz number, kind of like a generic 'Greased Lightning'. They get confused when Pete doesn't even wake up, let alone turn into a chicken. Gribbs even grabs his ear and sings right into it. Oh, Gribbs, you deserve legend status most of all.

Snapper comes in, and Pete wakes up and freaks out. Apparently he didn't think to look at the homework Linda gave him at all, 'cause he's still under the impression that the questions are half-done. Snapper's astounded that he's answered all the problems correctly. CHEATER! IT WASN'T PETE, IT WAS A ROOSTER! The bullies decide to steal Linda's hypnosis book. Because that will end well.

Later on, the kids are in the shed again, and Linda explains how she managed to finish Pete's homework so quickly -- she got her fucking slave rooster to do it for her. Mean, Linda. I'm so calling PETA on your arse. Suddenly, Mr. Gribble pulls up, and Rabbit and Tiger lead Gribbs out on a leash. They're freaking out because Gribbs is acting like a monkey. He even eats a rotten banana, skin and all. Now that's what I call a dedicated actor. Monkey!Gribbs also appears to hump Mr. Gribble's leg at some point, which is a little weird, but okay. And that's pretty much the end. Gribbs gets the short stick again.

Hope this recap sufficed until my computer can sorts its shit out! Love to all, and remember -- practise safe hypnotism!

Round The Twist Series 2: Yuckles

This episode is from season two, which if memory serves was aired in 1992 or thereabouts. I remember having the last 20 seconds (and the awesome-upon-awesome end credits in their entirety) on my Rugrats tape. I do believe Bangers and Mash was on right after it, 'cause my mother never was any good at the whole setting-the-VCR dealie. Fine by me, though, because when I found this series on DVD at the library, I was hit with a gigantic wave of nostalgia. Let me tell you -- this episode ain't easy to forget.

Mr. Gribble is giving the locals a rundown of his Hairbrained Scheme of the Week -- he's going to cut down the forest and build a casino. As usual, his wife and the bullies are right beside him. I should just mention that this second Gribbs (Richard Young) was probably the best one. The twelve-year-old Lorelai in me just shot herself, because she used to be head-over-heels in love with the very last Gribbs. Like, madly in love. Now that I'm older and no longer macking on young boys anymore, I feel like I'm more impartial and thus give my stamp of approval to Gribbs #2. Congratulations, sir. Moving on now.

Linda, who if you'll recall is saintly and morally conscious (almost to a fault...without the 'almost' part), is outraged. Mr. Gribble tells her not to worry, because there will be some nice plastic trees for her to look at in the lobby. Not likely, Mr. G, she's only fourteen. Bronson's all, "But what about the animals?" and the Matron awesomely snarks back, "Plastic animals!" Hee! Normally I hate the Matron, but I have to admit that bitch has a great sense of humour.

Town meeting time. Whatever happened to all those town meetings in the later years? Anyway, Nell's presenting a slideshow about how beautiful the forest is, and how Mr. Gribble shouldn't be allowed to cut it down. We also get our first mention of Yuckles, an extremely rare species of yellow spotted mushroom that's supposedly found deep in the forest. Harold's like, "Shut up, bitch, no one's even seen a Yuckle!" The Lady Mayor, whose name I don't recall, calls on Linda, who goes on a LindaRant about how Mr. Gribble's generation has already failed the children of tomorrow or whatever. Shut up, Linda, nobody cares. Oh, and things are really tense between Fay and Tony, because they recently broke up and now Fay's dating Snapper. Ew.

Lady Mayor says that she'll give Nell until tomorrow's council meeting to come up with some proof that Yuckles exist, or else she'll put the casino idea to a vote. Two things -- would Lady Mayor really let a greasy businessman rip down an entire forest to put in a casino even if it wasn't infested with yellow mushrooms? Al Gore would shit a brick if he knew. And also, why is this Nell's responsibility? She's an old lady! Surely they can get some council people to go over there and have a squiz. Is it really that difficult? That's just lazy, Lady Mayor. Lazy.

As she's leaving the town hall, Nell falls over and sprains her ankle. See, Lady Mayor? Nell can't even walk down some stairs without breaking something! How can you make her go into the forest all by her onesie in search of Yuckles? How irresponsible! The Matron comes to check out her leg, because according to Mr. Gribble, "my wife has six diplomas." Hee! That's a running joke that really never got old. Other things to note in this scene -- the bullies don't laugh at Nell falling over, which is not really like them. People falling over is always funny, especially to bunch of mean boys in their early teens, and especially if it's an old person. Oh, and Bronson's wearing a Batman T-shirt. Mad props, B.

The next day, Nell enlists the help of Pete and Linda to go out into the forest and find the Yuckles. They tell Bronson that he can't come because he's too young, even though Bronson's usually the smarter of the three. Nell says that she's going to try and track down Professor Yuckle, the guy who discovered the Yuckles all those years ago. She has a photo of him standing next to a Yuckle with his twin brother. Which, personally, seems like pretty good proof that Yuckles exist to me, but apparently photographic evidence is not good enough for the Lady Mayor. Pete and Linda leave Bronson to hang out with Tony, who's all mopey over his break-up with Fay. Bronson soon decides to high-tail it outta there and follow P&L.

There's a little interlude where the Lighthouse Ghosts are sitting on the stairs watching Tony wallow in his own self-pity whilst looking at a photo album filled with happy snaps of him and Fay. Remember the Lighthouse Ghosts? One of them was played by a Daddo. Apparently Ghost Daddo can identify with what Tony's going through, because he gets a little teary, and Ghost Not-Daddo tells him "you'll never find her again." Ouch. Kinda harsh, Ghost Not-Daddo. Apparently the truth hurts everyone, even ghosts.

The bullies arrive at the forest. They've been sent by Mr. Gribble to make sure that if there are Yuckles in the forest, they're destroyed. The bullies come across a little pool of foul-smelling yellow gunk. Gribbs quips, "Ain't nature beautiful?" and I chuckle, because I love Gribbs. I also like the fact that he's a ranga with a mouth full of metal, and yet somehow he's the bully. It's the most logic-defying part of the entire show, and that's really saying something. Gribbs tells Tiger and Rabbit that if there are Yuckles in the forest, "the Twists will lead us straight to 'em." Then he throws his strawberry Big M carton on the ground -- because only bad boys litter. Captain Planet would be so disappointed.

Just after the bullies leave, a small mushroom with red spots suddenly grows right next to the Big M carton. Oh zing, it's a Yuckle! Score one to crazy old Nell! The yuckle grows to about the size of the Big M carton, then turns into a perfect facsimile of it. So now there are two Big M cartons. I have to say, it's not the world's best special effect, but it's not half bad either.

Pete and Linda ride up on their bikes, and Pete can smell the yellow gunk before he sees it and says, "This place pongs!" And I laugh, because I haven't heard the word 'pongs' in years. It died a quiet, peaceful slang death along with the words 'grouse' and 'dead meat'. I'm kind-of hoping that either of these come up in the remainder of this episode. P&L leave to go off into the forest, and the Yuckle disguised as a Big M carton makes a little giggling sound and explodes into a pool of...you guessed it, yellow gunk. So now we know how the Yuckles work, let's see how we can use this premise to create hilarious shenanigans!

Bronson arrives at the forest, and the three separate parties take this time to tick off their necessities checklist. On Pete and Linda's -- a compass, a map and a camera. On Bronson's -- chips, jam tarts and chocolate royals. (That's be my necessities checklist, too.) On the bullies' -- a giant stick and an axe. Oh my God, I love this episode. It's not specifically stated, but Rabbit is also carrying what appears to be a machete. What?! Where did he even get a machete? This is hysterically ludicrous, and I love it.

The kids go on their merry way -- Pete and Linda follow their map, Bronson follows P&L, and the bullies follow Bronson. It's classic. Along the way, Rabbit steps in some of the yellow Yuckle gunk, and the boys make him bring up the rear because "he sure smells like it." Seriously, I love these bullies. (Rabbit not so much.) But Gribbs and Tiger are WIN. How they didn't get their own spin-off series is beyond me.

Pete suddenly falls over and rolls down a hill. What a great stunt that was [/sarcasm]. There is no point to this scene, except that Pete's accidentally torn a hole in his backpack, and things keep falling out of it along the way. Of course, every item that hits the ground immediately causes a Yuckle to grow and turn into said item.

P&L get to a waterfall, and the only way to cross over to the other side is by walking across a slippery tree trunk. Linda does it with ease. Well gee, Linda, aren't you fabulous? What do you want, a medal? Pete is less enthused about doing this, and I have to say, I'm siding with Pete on this one. He gets about halfway across (with Linda making unnecessary comments from the other side. Stupid fucking Linda) when he slips and falls, one leg on each side of the log. Um, ouch, I guess. I'm a female of this particular species, but it's undoubtedly common knowledge that the groin area is, well, a sensitive place, and that couldn't have been much fun for poor Petie. He screams so loud, the bullies actually stop in their tracks, and Rabbit says, "Was that a Yuckle, Gribbsy?" Hee! The look on Gribbs's face is priceless.

Bronson crosses the waterfall pretty easily, considering. He picks up the compass that's fallen out the bottom of Pete's backpack. (Or is it..?) He hears the giggling sound, and the compass explodes in his hand, splattering him with stinky yellow gunk. Naww, poor Bronson! He always gets the short stick. If only bloody Linda would occasionally. That I'd like to see. Oh, and the Yuckles laugh at Bronson. Mean Yuckles!

Cut straight to the waterfall again. Rabbit is crawling right along the tree trunk, scared shitless. Gribbs is like, "Don't be a wimp! The Twist sheila went across, and the little squirt!" That. Is. So. True. Rabbit keeps repeating, "It's just a footpath, it's just a footpath," and I'm reminded why I dig Rabbit. This second Rabbit is pretty lame, though. I think I'm a fan of Rabbit #3.

Pete and Linda stop to discuss sandwiches. Yeah, I don't know, either. They hear Bronson stepping on a twig, and his cover is almost blown. Because this is the quietest forest on the planet. They didn't hear the fucking Yuckles laughing, but they heard when Bronson stepped on a twig. Even the bullies heard it. Jeez. As Pete leaves, a mug falls out of his backpack and hits the floor. A mug? For any coffee emergencies that may present themselves in the forest? Anyway, Bronson continues following P&L...and just happens to witness the Yuckles doing their transformation thing on the mug. He's like, "what the fuck is this?"

Pete and Linda finally -- finally! -- come across a whole bunch of giant Yuckles. They're all excited-like, and Pete puts his backpack on the ground. Linda takes some pictures to bring back to the council meeting. When the two look up again, there are now two backpacks. Linda can't grasp what's just happened, because nothing remotely weird has ever happened to her, ever. Pete goes to pick up one of the backpacks, and Bronson comes out, screaming at Pete not to touch it. Pete says to Bronson, "What are you doing here, toilet face?" and I wonder at exactly what age 'toilet face' stops being acceptable trash talk. Suddenly the backpack explodes all over Pete. Hee! I'm laughing almost as much as the Yuckles are!

Suddenly, Gribbs reveals himself. He tells his boys, "Seek and destroy!" Gribbs, I don't care if you are a fourteen-year-old brace-face ranga, I would like for you to marry me. I imagine that Richard Young is probably in his thirties now, but I don't want Richard Young -- I want Gribbs, dammit! The Twists split up, which is pretty smart, I guess. Instead of putting that machete to good use and destroying the Yuckles, all three bullies decide to run after Linda to steal her photos. Brilliant. Obviously when Gribbs and I do wed, I'll have to be the brains of the family.

There's a bit of a running-away montage, so nothing really happens for a while except that Pete and Bronson find each other in the bushes, and Pete tells Bronson to go to the council meeting and stall them until Linda gets there with the photos. Not important, moving on. I might take this time to tell you that when I was younger, I always really wanted Gribbs and Linda to get together. I don't know why, but I just did. They actually did for a couple of episodes in Series 3, when Linda accidentally read the Viking Book of Love poem to Gribbs, so I got my wish...for a little while. And it was so worth the wait, let me tell you. Anyway.

Linda runs around in circles, and ends up in the same Yuckles clearing she started out in. WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? She's got the whole fucking forest at her feet! Go to the goddamned council meeting, you douche!

Speaking of the council meeting, people have started arriving already. Fay's there with Snapper, and Tony delves deeper into his funk. Poor Tony. Nell comes to sit next to him, and tells him about how she tried to contact Professor Yuckle, and discovered that A) he's dead, and B) he didn't actually have a twin brother. So who was that Professor Yuckle lookalike in the photo with him? And why is this relevant? If you don't already know, I suggest you take a couple of common sense lessons, for your own good. How you've survived this long without them is beyond me.

Bronson rushes into the council meeting and says he and his siblings have proof that Yuckles exist, and that Linda will be there any second with the photos. Not if she doesn't get the fuck out of that forest, she won't, Bronson! This is Linda we're talking about -- she digs the forest way too much to ever leave it, even when there are three bullies with varying degrees of weaponry stashed in their backpacks running after her.

The bullies find Linda soon after (surprise, surprise) and Gribbs says, "Give us them photos or you're dead meat!" Again, thank you for the hip nineties slang. Linda doesn't respond to Gribbs's threats...at all. She just stands there, expressionless. The bullies are like, WTF? Gribbs decides to end this shit, and tackles her to the ground. Hee! You should've used more force, Gribbs.

The boys hold her down and attempt to...um, well, frisk her, I guess. Suddenly Linda smiles, and Gribbs gets weirded out, because this sort of morally-reprehensible behaviour doesn't usually turn Linda on. We hear the patented Yuckle giggle, and Linda explodes into a big mushy pile of stinky yellow gunk that all the boys fall in. Hee! 'Cause she touched a Yuckle and copied herself! Only Linda would ever think to do something like that.

Gribbs and the boys? They freak. The fuck. Out. They think they've killed Linda. I'm sorry, but what? They're fourteen years old -- at what age exactly do kids start to realise that people are NOT made up of gooey yellow shit? I think I learned that the first time I scraped my knee and started bleeding. Man, they're dumb. The highlight of this episode is definitely Gribbs crying and screaming, "I'm sorry, Linda!" to the yellow gunk. Legendary.

At the council meeting, Lady Mayor decides she can't wait any longer for Linda to arrive with the photos. Seriously, reading this, you'd think Lady Mayor is supposed to be evil, but she's not. Maybe she's hot for Harold Gribble. I don't know. As the townsfolk are about to vote on whether or not they want the casino to go ahead, the bullies burst into the room. They hold up a couple of plastic baggies filled with the yellow gunk saying, "This is all that's left of the Twist sheila!" Hee! Classic! They actually scooped Linda's remains into a plastic baggie! I love these boys.

They try to shirk the blame on each other, saying it's not their fault she died, and they weren't even near her when she "went up." Tiger tells Tony he was actually trying to save her at the time. Tony looks at the baggie and says, "Linda?" which makes me laugh. Mr. Gribble's reaction? "She always was a delicate kid." Hee! This show rocks.

While all the adults are getting a bit flustered over the whole Linda-turned-into-mush thing, Linda and Pete arrive with the photos! The bullies are hilariously confused, and keep looking from her to the baggies and then back to her. Harold quickly grabs the photos from her, in a state of disbelief and rage, and Gribbs quickly realises that those photos might not be what they seem. How he even realised what's going on so quickly is beyond me, especially coming from the kid who didn't realise that the puddle of smelly yellow muck was NOT Linda Twist.

Sure enough, the photos make the giggling sound and explode in Mr. Gribble's and the Matron's faces. Suck it, Gribble! It does seem a little strange to me that the Twists thought it'd be funny to make copies of the photos for the sole purpose of making Mr. Gribble look like a fool, but okay. I'll play along -- only because I adore this show more than mere words can express.

Well, that's it for this recap. I'll be back next time with another ABC Kids show, and another episode to recap. Thanks for reading, feel free to comment, and have a nice day! Oh, and if you see a strawberry Big M carton on the ground, don't pick it up...just in case.

Round The Twist (1989-2001)

There's a reason this show just keeps on going. Originally an eight-part series in the 1980s, this gross-out comedy series aimed at the we're-too-cool-for-cartoons demographic has developed a life of its own, with four different seasons in the last twenty years. The premise is simple enough: a kooky family living who live a lighthouse encounter all sorts of weird and wonderful phenomena -- ghosts, magical objects, human ice-cream machines to name a few -- and hilarity ensues. Hilarity always ensues.

Pete, Linda and Bronson Twist are forever getting into some sort of stranger-than-normal adolescent troubles, from turning into a werewolf to being stalked by a crazy porcelain doll. Throw in a beautiful love interest, a gang of wacky bullys, a weird old lady and a scheming town mayor and you have yourself the recipe for an enduring children's program. Wait, did I say children's program? You don't have to be a kid to enjoy this particular show. In fact, I have a couple of the DVDs myself. What's that? You want a link to the intro? Well, I'm sure I can do that...

THE CHARACTERS (OVER THE YEARS):
Tony Twist: Richard Moir (Series 1-2)/Andrew S. Gilbert (Series 3-4)
Pete Twist: Sam Vandenbergh (Series 1)/Ben Thomas (Series 2)/Rian McLean (Series 3-4)
Linda Twist : Tamsin West (Series 1)/Jolene Crnogorac (Series 2)/Ebonnie Maisini (Series 3-4)
Bronson Twist: Rodney McLennan (Series 1)/Jeffrey Walker (Series 2)/Matthew Waters (Series 3-4)
Harold Gribble: Frankie J. Holden (Series 1)/Mark Mitchell (Series 2-4)
Matron Gribble: Judith McGrath (Series 1)/Jan Friedl (Series 2)/Christine Keogh (Series 3-4)
James 'Gribbs' Gribble: Lachlan Jeffrey (Series 1)/Richard Young (Series 2)/Brook Skyes (Series 3-4)
Tiger: Cameron Nugent (Series 1)/Nick Mitchell (Series 2)/Tom Budge (Series 3-4)
Rabbit: Stewart Atkin (Series 1)/Drew Campbell (Series 2)/Samuel Marsland (Series 3-4)
Fiona: Daisy Cameron (Series 1)/Zeta Briggs (Series 2)/Kate Barnes (Series 3-4)Anthony: Rueben Liversidge (Series 3-4)
Fay James: Robyn Gibbs (Series 1)/ Trudy Heliar (Series 2-3)/Susanne Chapman (Series 4)
Mr. Snapper: Esben Storm (Series 1-3)/Ernie Grey (Series 4)
Nell Rickards: Bunney Brooke (Series 1-2)/Marion Heathfield (Series 3-4)