Monday, September 28, 2009

Top 10 Kids' Movies of the Nineties

While I'm sorry to say that I have made no headway in my quest to find the thin red line (you know, the one that tells you your YouTube video is loading?), I have come to a decision -- my stone-age computer will NOT stop this blog. It won't. It can't. I am stronger than technology, I say with a steely resolve in my eye. After all, a couple of people have even added me to their blogroll, and I hate to throw their faith back in their faces. The show must go on, I say, and rather than become predictable and give you yet another Round the Twist recap, I've decided to do something un-ABC Kids but still nostalgic and list for you my favourite children's flicks from the nineties. Feel free to comment and agree with me. You can even disagree with me if you like, but I don't recommend it.

(And before you kindly point out that there are other video sites out there besides YouTube, I've discovered that NO internet videos from anywhere will load. I found that out the hard way while trying to watch last week's episode of Rush on the Channel 10 website. Oh, and Rush? Best show on television, hands down. Hermes Endakis from Ship To Shore even graced an episode!)
There will, for most movies, be YouTube links. Hopefully they work for you, 'cause they sure as fuck don't work for me.

On with the countdown! (I've decided to leave off the animated Disney films and save them for another day. They have an unfair advantage, on account of being Disney and therefore in a league of their own.)

10. Toy Story
Look, I'll give it to you straight -- I hate Pixar. I really, really do. Whenever I see a preview for one of those cutesie-wootsie CG flicks, I throw things at the screen and loudly curse Mr. Pixar for bastardising my Disney childhood. It''s just not Disney. I'm sorry, but it's not. Wall-E and Shrek and those Beverly Hills chihuahua things can kiss my arse. Now, Toy Story is the exception, probably because when it first hit our screens I was too young to care that this new computer-generated technology was anally raping the genre.

WHO'S IN IT? The voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, John Ratzenberger, Wallace Shawn, Annie Potts and Erek Von Detten

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? Toy Story follows the adventures (and misadventures) of Buzz and Woody, two toys who come to life when their owner Andy leaves the room, and boy do they have adventures! From the petrol station to Pizza Planet to Sid's house, sworn enemies Buzz and Woody travel all across town looking for their beloved Andy before they're lost for good. Spoiler alert -- they find him, and become friends. Just in case you hadn't seen it and were worried sick all night.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? The dude who provides the voice of Sid was Mandy Moore's boyfriend from The Princess Diaries. True story. I don't make this shit up.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Rex, the needy, desperate approval-seeking dinosaur who can't roar. You know you wanted to take him home too.

BEST BIT: Wracked with depression, Buzz sits down to a cup of tea with two headless dolls. Too funny, and I doubt I'm the only person who now thinks of drinking tea as "suckin' down Darjeeling."

IS IT DATED YET? No, actually. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that dates this film. Then again, it's only 14 years old. Wait another 14 years and then come talk to me.

ADULT IN-JOKES: Oh, there are so many. The one that sticks out is when Mr. Potato Head says that Woody has "laser envy." That's definitely a 'hee!' moment for Adult Lorelai.

Woody: "You ARE A TOY! You are not a space ranger! You're an action figure!
You -- are a child's PLAYTHING!
Buzz: "You are a sad, strange little man. You have my pity."

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: Woody gives Buzz a piece of his mind.

9. The Swan Princess

Yes, it's a cartoon. No, it's not made by Disney. (There are good non-Disney cartoons out there, you know. You just have to look real hard.) The Swan Princess had such a big impact on me, I even had the soundtrack. Oh yes, yes I did. I could sing you each and every one of those songs. I won't, though, because it's not like you could hear me anyway. I also remember that my younger brother used to call Odette 'Odead'. Apparently he only got halfway through the movie. (It was looking dire there for a minute...)

WHO'S IN IT? Jack Palance, Michelle Nicastro, John Cleese, Steven Wright, Howard McGillin

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? Based on Swan Lake (so did not get that when I was four), The Swan Princess is a fairytale story about a beautiful princess who is cursed by an evil sorcerer hell-bent on claiming the throne for himself. It's an all-singing, all-dancing affair that sees Prince Derek fall in love with the beautiful Princess Odette, only to discover that every night she, uh, turns into a bird. Sigh, that's romance for you.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? Yes, yes, it's John Cleese providing the voice of Jean-Bob the frog. Stop asking.

BEST BIT: Prince Derek and his friend Rogers hunting...hunting the servants...with the bow-and-arrow version of a paint gun.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Speed, the cute little turtle that made Tiffany from Daria look like a fast talker.

IS IT DATED YET? Nope, and it never will be. Nineteenth-century love stories rarely are.

ADULT IN-JOKES: Not many, really. I guess this is one of those films that really was made for children.


Rogers (to Derek): "You should write a book -- How To Offend Women in Five
Syllables Or Less."

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: The animals attempt to help Odette escape by getting Rothbart's map.

8. The Little Rascals

Back in the day, we didn't know that The Little Rascals was a shameless reworking of a classic TV show. We didn't know that our parents hated this film on principal. We didn't know that the original Alfalfa got brutally murdered, and his death remains one of the biggest Hollywood mysteries. I don't think we'd even have cared -- because the 1994 film had a dog! And a monkey! Who could ask for more?

WHO'S IN IT? Bug Hall, Travis Tedford, Whoopee Goldberg, Mel Brooks, Reba McEntyre, Daryl Hannah, the Olsen Twins, Lea Thompson, Donald Trump...I could go on, but I'd start to bore you.

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? Why, Alfalfa, of course! He's a member of the He-Man Womun Haters Club (their spelling, not mine), only he has a problem...he's in love! With a womun! It's the cuter-than-cute Darla who's won his heart, and the rest of the boys are So Not Impressed. After his mates successfully break up the budding relationship, Alfalfa tries desperately to woo his precious Darla away from the greasy new boy in town, Waldo.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? For all you Disney Channel fans out there, check out Buckwheat's girlfriend at the end. Oh yeah, that's sooo Raven.

BEST BIT: when the boys and girls are having separate sleepovers and paying out the opposite sex. Why the Olsens thought they needed to make a cameo is beyond me, but okay. I love that both parties are all scared of thunder, though.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTERS: Porky and Buckwheat. The adventures the two of them get up to are just plain hysterical, and who could forget Buckwheat's pickle song? And I still say "oh-tay!"

IS IT DATED YET? Well, there's something very nineties about it, sure (I mean, they actually think Reba McEntyre's famous), but for the most part, it's survived the test of time.

ADULT IN-JOKES: Almost all of Darla's dialogue about men being jerks, as well as Reba's "is that a cowlick, or are you just happy to see me?" line to Alfalfa.

QUOTE THIS: Setup: Stymie and Spanky are posing as Amish men in order to take out a loan.

Bank Manager: What is your account number?
Manager: Seven?! Seven?!
Froggy: Try eight.

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: My Best Bit -- just try and ignore the Olsens.

7. Home Alone

Oh, Home Alone. I used to have this film taped off TV, and have seen it so many times, I could tell you not only where the commercial breaks used to be but could also outline a good number of said commercials for you as well. (The Decore shampoo ad sticks out in my mind.) I even remember that it was from Channel 10, circa 1996, 'cause there were a whole lot of Olympics-related ads and Melrose Place promos. I would give up a limb to have that tape back, I really would.

WHO'S IN IT? Macauley Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, Catherine O'Hara, John Heard, Devon Ratray, Kieran Culkin, John Candy

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? After a particularly hectic night, Kevin McAllister wishes his family would disappear. When he wakes up, he discovers that said family went on vacation without him, and he's free to do whatever he wants. An eight-year-old's dream, right? (Wrong. If my family had done that to me when I was eight, I'd have spent the entire time hiding in the closet sucking my thumb.) Things turn sour when two bumbling robbers try and burglarise Kevin's house, and he must protect it with every dangerous-looking thing he can get his hands on.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? Romantics will remember John Heard, who plays Kevin's father, from Beaches. Action fans will remember him as Governer Tancredi from Prison Break. I remember him from both.

BEST BIT: Apart from all the robber-bashing goodness, you can't go past the part where Kevin's looking through all of Buzz's things and makes some interesting comments about his girlfriend.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Kevin's mean older brother Buzz. His list of reasons why nobody should worry about Kevin is classic.

IS IT DATED YET? Honestly? Yes, yes it is. It just looks nineties...everything from the food packaging to the clothes to the hair, to the fact that John Candy was still kicking. It still kicks the crap out of today's kids movies, though.

ADULT IN-JOKES: The entire Angels With Dirty Faces rip-off, as well as a line of Marv's where he thinks that Kevin committed suicide. How they managed to sneak that one in is a credit to dear Mr. John Hughes.

Marv: "Santy don't visit the funeral home, little buddy!"

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: Joe Pesci with his head on fire, apparently.

6. A Muppet Christmas Carol
My brother had a minor freak-out when, years later, he discovered that yes, Charles Dickens was a real person, and no, he didn't look anything like Gonzo. Me? I already knew of this Dickens fellow, because I was one of those well-read brats when I was younger. (It took a while for me to grow a personality.) I loved the Muppets and I loved Christmas, still do on both counts, so this was a natural choice for me.

WHO'S IN IT? Michael Caine. And a whooole lotta puppets, with the usual Jim Hensen puppeteers bringing them to life.

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? Ebenezer Scrooge is a humourless grinch who despises people, joy and Christmas. Not even Bob Cratchit (Kermit the Frog) can melt his cold, cold heart. On Christmas Eve, Scrooge is visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, and they take him on a thrill ride through his life. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll sing along, and you'd sure as hell better God bless everyone or Tiny Tim'll getcha.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? The handsome young Ebenezer Scrooge (the one who gets dumped in song form) also played Winston in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

BEST BIT: Scrooge getting visited by the ghosts of his former employers, Marley and Marley (played by those Muppets who always sat in the rafters and heckled everyone.)

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Rizzo. All he does is hang out with Gonzo, and yet he manages to steal our hearts.

IS IT DATED YET? Yes, in that it's set in the nineteenth century. In every other aspect, no way. Kids'll be enjoying this one for a long time, thanks to the wonder that is DVD.

ADULT IN-JOKES: Apart from a few Dickens references, there really isn't a lot here. One thing I'd like to make you aware of, just because it proves that Little Lorelai wasn't as smart as she thought she the future Christmas scene where Bob Cratchit comes home and tells his wife that he picked out a spot for Tiny Tim overlooking a pond, I totally did not get that he was referring to a grave. I understood that Tiny Tim was sick and dying, and always thought that Bob was talking about a park bench or something where he just left Tiny Tim to die. I don't know exactly when it hit me that Bob did not just leave his young son to die by himself in a park, but boy did I feel stupid.


Rizzo: "This is scary stuff! Should we be worried about the kids in the
Gonzo: "Oh no, this is culture!"

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLESURE: Marley and Marley! The description says that it includes lyrics, so I hope that's not too annoying for you.

5. It Takes Two

This film has the grand honour of being one of the first (if not the first) films I saw at the cinema. I still remember that day sooo well. The popcorn, the laughter, the Olsens...yeah, 1995 was a time when those Olsen twins were cool, and I totally loved them. I'm so ashamed...

WHO'S IN IT? Well, the Olsens, of couse, as well as Kirstie Alley, Steve Guttenberg and Jane Sibbett

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? Ever seen The Parent Trap? Well, it's a direct rip-off of that. When I first saw the Linday Lohan version (Parent Trap fans, keep reading this list!), I cried foul thinking it was It Takes Two that came first. In my defence, the original Hayley Mills Parent Trap came out decades before I was even thought of. Two girls who look exactly alike (in this case, they're not related) switch places to get their parents (or in this case, a case worker) together...except that said father figure is getting married to a blonde gold-digger! Oh noes! Spoiler alert -- because they're the Olsens, they get their way in the end.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? Jane Sibbett, the aforementioned blonde gold-digger, is probably best known for her role as Ross's lesbian ex-wife Carol in Friends.

BEST BIT: Uncultured street rat Amanda (Mary-Kate) banging on a piano and eating escargot. For those of you playing at home, they apparently taste like balloons.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Kirstie Alley's Diane, in the role that made her my favourite actress at the time. She's the one that taught me that being smart-mouthed and desperate is the way to woo men...hence why Kirstie is not my favourite actress anymore.

IS IT DATED YET? Not really, apart from all the backwards baseball-cap and overalls fashion.

ADULT IN-JOKES: Absolutely none. None at all. It's so disappointing. There are some references to Diane perving at Steve Guttenberg's butt, but apart from that...

Amanda: "All this money and these people eat slugs?"

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: Um, I actually have no idea. The title is just 'Funny Scene', so I can't be sure without watching it. I assume it's funny.

4. The Parent Trap

What can I say? I'm a fan of twin switches. Of course, this is the more superior film. It's stunning to think that a mere eleven years ago, Lindsay Lohan was actually super-talented. Seriously. The amount of talent that girl pissed away is startling. She's a one-woman anti-drugs campaign. After getting over the initial shock of it being the exactly same premise as It Takes Two, I came to like this movie. Love it, even. Adore it. I still love it now. I wanted Natasha Richardson to be my mother. (All these actors from my chilhood that are no longer with us...makes me sad.) I even wanted to go to summer camp. Damn me and my Aussie upbringing!

WHO'S IN IT? Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan, Natasha Richardson, Dennis Quaid, Maggie Wheeler

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? Two twins, separated at birth, meet up again at summer camp and decide to swich places in order to meet the parent they never knew. It's...well, it's cute, really. Then they decide to get said parents back together. Again, cute, but it sort-of gives all those children of divorce something to hope for. Kids, it's not that easy. Of course, daddy dearest (Dennis Quaid) is getting married, and the girls plot to stop the wedding.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? Apparently movies that share plots also share Friends actors. This time it's Maggie Wheeler (who played the, uh, memorable Janice) as Marva Kulp Jnr the camp counsellor.

BEST BIT: Everything that goes on in the isolation cabin. Not only is it a fun summer camp scene and a mention of the fabulous Leo, it also introduced a generation to an all-new way of eating Oreos.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Hallie, the California native twin. She's sassy, smart and can cut hair like nobody's business.

IS IT DATED YET? Not one little bit. Even their Leo pop culture reference is still relevant. That is the staying power of Leo, my friends.

ADULT IN-JOKES: Again, this film is slightly lacking. There are a couple of references to Robert DeNiro and Cary Grant that I didn't get until I started refining my taste in film. And at one point, Hallie actually says to her father's fiancee that "marriage should be about more than just sex," which is kind-of shocking -- you never heard the Olsens say anything like that.

Annie (as Hallie): "Meredith's only fifteen years older than me! And how old are
you again, Dad?"
Nick: "Wow, suddenly you're so interested in math."

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: Annie finds someone who can whip her toosh at poker...

3. Beethoven's 2nd

It's true what they say -- nobody can write a movie like John Hughes. (Truthfully, I don't know who says that. I'm sure someone does, though.) This truly is one of the better sequels out there, and let's face it, the first Beethoven movie was a powerhouse in instelf. Much like Home Alone, the Beethoven franchise consists of an endless supply of sequels, and much like Home Alone, they're completely unwatchable after the second. Beethoven's 2nd introduced me to Chris Penn way before I'd even heard of Sean (the Fast Times at Ridgemont High lover in me is threatening to shoot herself at that thought), and I have no problem telling you that when I was growing up, I wanted to be Debi Mazar's character. Sure, she was the baddie of the piece, but she was so well-dressed and elegant, with her painted nails and her high heels and her hair in a bun that I couldn't resist loving her. Maybe it's the sociopath in me that can't distinguish between good and bad. Jessica Wakefield would be so proud.

WHO'S IN IT? Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Lauren Tom, Christopher Castile, Sarah Rose Carr, Debi Mazar, Chris Penn, Danny Masterson

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? The Newton family, who if you'll recall had to go to the ends of the earth to convince their father to get them one dog, is back...and this time, Beethoven has puppies! Actually, that's biologically-inaccurate...Beethoven's girlfriend Missy has puppies! And the Newtons are keeping them until they can find owners for them! Yay! Fun for all! Unfortunately, Missy's evil but fashionable owner Regina believes that the puppies are rightfully hers and wants to sell them for lots of money. Which I can't say I disagree with, but like I said, I've always had a soft spot for Regina. Oh, and the eldest daughter Ryce (don't even get me started...) falls in love. Then out of love. Then in love again. Ah, to be a teenager again.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? Ryce's second love interest, the motorbike-riding Seth, is played by none other than That 70s Show actor Danny Masterson. I'm told his brother Chris (of Malcolm in the Middle fame) is an extra, but I've yet to spot him.

BEST BIT: Beethoven ripping an entire house apart is pretty funny. The lesson here, in case you're wondering, is don't feed dogs beer and try to rape their owner. They tend to get a little angry.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Regina! Regina! Regina! Heart of stone, car of Mercedes...Regina, I still love you, even if you did give the janitor permission to drown your dog's puppies.

IS IT DATED YET? A little. The prices on the McDonald's menu sure are.

ADULT IN-JOKES: George Newton explaining the birds and the bees to his five-year-old daughter took me a while to get. Probably the biggest (and most disturbing) plot point that went over our heads when we were younger is when Ryce's crush locks her in his bedroom. I that not classic Sweet Valley-style attempted rape? What would have happened had Beethoven not ripped off the wall? And how did Ryce get out? All questions that will never be answered...

Seth: "I'm Seth. As in, Seth, get up, Seth, clean the boat, Seth, you're
grounded. It's not a food, but it works."

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: Unfortunately, all I could find is this trailer. Everything else is about Beethoven the composer and, more baffling, the video game for this film. Someone actually decided to play the video game and post their success on YouTube. I just...I don't even know.

2. Home Alone 2: Lost In New York

Oh, I went there all right. I thought for a moment about putting both Home Alone films together as one list item, but I really don't think that's fair, do you? Home Alone 2 is not only one of the best children's movies of the nineties, but in my most humble (and correct) opinion, it's one of the best of all time. It's funny, it's heartfelt, it's quotable...and Tim Curry owns it. He fucking owns it.

Believe me when I say that I'm not the only one who thinks this movie's the bomb. While perusing Google Images looking for some pics to ad to this post, you would not believe the amount of photos of the Plaza Hotel my search returned. And each one of them called it "that hotel from Home Alone 2." Which, of course, means that HA2 is more famous than the Plaza Hotel. Suck it, Donald Trump!

WHO'S IN IT? Macauley Culkin (again), Joe Pesci (again), Daniel Stern (again), Catherine O'Hara (again), John Heard (again), Tim Curry, Dana Ivey, Rob Schneider, Brenda Fricker

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? Basically, Home Alone 2 takes all the elements that made the first one so successful, and parlays it into a New York setting. This time, instead of being left at home, Kevin accidentally gets on the wrong plane and high-tails it to New York! And the baddies get out of jail, so what do they do? High-tail it to New York! Oh, it's just so much fun! When Kevin stops Harry and Marv from robbing a toy store, they're forced to follow him through yet another house filled with dangerous goodies. Apparently some people never learn.

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? The New York ticket agent (the bitchfaced one who says to Kevin, "You're in New York, sir.") is none other than John Hughes' Breakfast Club alumnist, Ally Sheedy. As a lover of anything Breakfast Club, this is one of my favourite cameos. And speaking of cameos, yes, that is Donald Trump who tells Kevin where the Plaza Hotel lobby is.

BEST BIT: Nothing can (or ever will) go past the part where Kevin uses his Angels With Filthier Souls tape to convince the concierge that there's a mobster indahouse. Tim Curry, you are but a god among men. Honorable mention goes to the disastrous school concert and the subsequent family court. Oh, and the bit where Kevin uses his Talkboy to book a hotel room. Oh, and -- you know what? Just watch the movie.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Tim Curry's concierge. Totally power-hungry and maniacal...and he says the word "pizza" funny.

IS IT DATED YET? One of the most cinematographically beautiful moments is when the camera pans out on Kevin as he's standing atop one of the Twin Towers. Every single time I watch that part I feel a twinge of sadness.

ADULT IN-JOKES: Kevin mentions something about never feeling like a real man if he walks in on Uncle Frank in the shower, and he also asks room service for three scoops of ice-cream because "I'm not driving." Never quite worked out that that line meant, but I knew it was funny. Also, there are some hookers walking the streets when Kevin escapes the baddies.

Gangster (on the video): "Don't give me that, you've been smooching with
everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob,
[The staff look towards the security guard. His nametag says 'Cliff'.]
Cliff: "Nuh-uh! It's a lie!"

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: It took a while, but I found The Scene. (Surprisingly enough, I had to trawl through a number of videos regarding this film's computer game as well. Is mean, is it the same sad person or what?) Watch it. Live it. Love it.

1. The Chipmunk Adventure

Okay, so I know it's not as entertaining to an adult as perhaps HA2 is. And I know that technically it's from 1989. But there really is no going past The Chipmunk Adventure. I rented this from my local Video Ezy so many times, I actually caused the tape to go a bit haywire in some places. The last time I rented it (I was about sixteen, and it was just for kicks), I managed to watch it nine times in seven days and wear the tape out even more. It's cute, it's funny, it's my ultimate childhood movie.

My cousins also used to have it on video, somewhere in their garage, and last year my elder cousin actually found it and gave it to me. That was a happy day. I actually own it in all its Chipmunky glory. Sometimes I just sit there, stroking the box, wondering what my life would have been like had I not seen this film, and the answer is 'dark'. My life would've been dark.

WHO'S IN IT? No famous voices, so don't get excited. Just Ross Bagdasarian Jnr. and Janice Karman. Actually, there are two notable voice artists, but I'll leave them until my 'Wait, isn't that..?' segment. That's what suspense feels like, bitches!

WHAT'S IT ABOUT? You all know the Chipmunks, right? The actual Chipmunks, not their retarded little CGI doppelgangers. (Don't even get me started on that stupid fucking movie -- shame, Jason Lee!) And you all know the Chipettes, their female counterparts? Well, the Chipmunks and Chipettes are duped into smuggling diamonds throughout the world by the evil French villains Claus and Claudia. In hot-air balloons. If you're wondering why stern old Dave is letting his kids (pets?) go on a hot air balloon race around the world, well, he's not there. He's on a trip to Europe and has left them with a schitzo nanny named Miss Miller. So many plot holes, so little time...

WAIT, ISN'T THAT..? Okay, I left you in suspense long enough. The voice of said schitzo nanny is Dody Goodman, who Grease fans will remember as Blanche the schitzo school secretary. (Typecasting?) And if you listen closely when the Arab sheik is speaking, you may notice that he sounds a little like Bart Simpson. Wanna know why? 'Cause it is. Nancy Cartwright started here, which officially makes her awesome.

BEST BIT: Oh, where to begin? The bit where Dave and Miss Miller have a phone conversation, both convinced that the Chimpunks are being looked after by the other person. The bit where Miss Miller thinks she's talking to Dave, but is really talking to a tape recording. The bit where the Chipmunks and Chipettes are trying to out rock-and-roll each other. The neverending war between Claus and his sister's dog. The bit where the penguin family mourn the loss of their baby penguin. The bit where Theodore doesn't get his cous-cous...okay, seriously, just watch it.

OUTSTANDING CHARACTER: Brittany, the legwarmer-wearing, attitude-y Chipette who is 137 kinds of awesome. Anyone who didn't want to be Brittany growing up probably ended up as a Jeanette.

IS IT DATED YET? Fuck yeah. Did you not just hear me say that Brittany wears legwarmers? It's synthesiser-city as well, and at times can be racist beyond belief...and to be perfectly honest, that's half the appeal. Don't let that deter you.

ADULT IN-JOKES: There's some stuff about Dave being drunk that didn't really register with three-year-old Lorelai, and neither did the fact that the Egyptian army kidnapped three little girls and forced them to marry their prince. That's kinda eepy-cray.

Miss Miller (making breakfast): "Let's see, Alvin gets the raisin bread, Simon
gets the English muffins, Theodore gets the banana bread...the orange
slices...the cereal...the bowl of yoghurt...the peanut butter sandwich...the
pancakes with gooseberry jelly...the scrambled eggs with toast..."

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: 'The Girls and Boys of Rock And Roll' song. Try not to bop along. I dare you.


  1. Great post! I actually haven't seen some of these. Never even heard of Swan Princess (not surprising, as it looks like I was fourteen or so when it came out and therefore "too old for baby movies"), but I LOVED the Muppet Christmas Carol and Toy Story.

  2. Awesome, I remember watching the Chipmunk adventure sometime in early primary school where the teachers put us all together in one of those mass it's too hot to teach afternoons!
    I loved Home Alone 2 as well but freakishly realised later Tim Curry also played my most hated clown in an earlier movie and suddenly his manic smile made sense! Great post.

  3. Shannon: Swan Princess is just one of those 'pretty' movies, you'd probably like it if you saw it now :) then again I'm a kid at heart who watches the above movies to this day, and not ironically either!

    Ames: I loved those hot primary school days, but we never got to watch a movie as cool as Chipmunk Adventure. I think Neverending Story 3 was as cool as my teachers got.

    I strongly believe that Tim Curry is THE MAN, there's no denyin'. I also loved him in Muppet Treasure Island, though I never saw It. Maybe I should, just for the Curry factor...

  4. Tim Curry was so awesome and such a great part of so many movies I watched as a kid. Later I found out he was in Annie too (that passed me by as a child).

    Love the "Cliff" moment in Home Alone 2. And that the other bell hop was Rob Schneider. One of his better roles.

  5. Hello. Just here to comment that the author of this is a complete dumb-ass. Pixar did no make Shrek. Disney has nothing to do with Shrek. Pixar is the only good thing that's come out of Disney in the past 20 years. Author is a moron, and can not distinguish Pixar movies from other shitty CGI. Author should never write anything again. Ever.

  6. Ed Catmull, is that you?

    Seriously though, I do apologise. I didn't realise there were people out there too stupid to understand the point I was making. So let me spell it out for you, shortbus: Author dislikes all computer-generated kids' movies, regardless of which studio made the damn things. Commenter should learn that commenting on people's blogs for the sole purpose of unnecessarily insulting them over the stupidest thing is what we in polite society call "being a wanker." And that's just police society.

    If you have something constructive to say about my blog, I'm all ears. If you're just gonna call me names all day and condemn me for not specifically mention that it was Dreamworks who was responsbile for Shrek, save your broadband data for your Wall-E Fanpop page and don't bother visiting this blog again.