The Saddle Club: Mystery Weekend

(First, let me saythat while I realise The Saddle Club is very much a noughties ABC Kids TV show, I'm also well aware that many of you grew up reading the book series on which it's based, so I think it's all relative. Okay, now on with the recap.)


Because Australia and Canada seem to have so much in common, the ABC commissioned this pony-themes series about three pre-teens (Canadian-to-Aussie ratio: two to one) who, uh, loved to ride horsies. They rode horsies all day, every day. "But what about school," the more responsible reader will ask. School schmool! There's no time for school when there are horsies to ride! Set in the stables of Pine Hollow, Stevie, Lisa and Carole form their titular Saddle Club. Depite being seemingly ridiculous to the average-aged viewer of this blog (why do all girls love horsies so damn much?) this show dealt with its fair share of over-dramatised themes, from friendship to love to just how to cope when your favourite horsie breaks its leg and takes a trip to the glue factory.

I have a very small but very embarrassing confession to make -- I loved this show, even though it came out when I was like eleven and probably past the key age demographic. Really, REALLY loved it. I used to write my own Saddle Club fanfiction before I even knew what fanfiction was. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't a Mallory Pike-esque horse freak or anything. I didn't even read the books. I just adored loved this show. Looking back, as I have today, it definitely falls into the Captain Planet-inspired, 'we thought it was a good idea at the time' category. None of these kids can act, the characters are bland, and how is it possible that these three girls keep facing disasters every week? Falling off your horse is one thing, but falling down a mineshaft, getting bitten by a snake and plummeting off a cliff should be once-in-a-lifetime fare, yes? Not if you're the Saddle Club, it's not!

Let's do a quick meet of the characters:

Stevie Lake (Sophie Bennett) -- the Kristy Thomas of the group, and Canadian #1. She's kind-of a bitch to anyone who happens to not be in the Saddle Club, but she also holds the Mary Anne title for getting a boyfriend before all the other girls.

Carole Hanson (Keenan MacWilliam) -- the wannabe-vet with the dead mother, and Canadian #2. (Everyone else from here on in seems to be decidedly not Canadian.)While all the girls love horsies, Carole loves them just a little bit more, thanks to her late mother, who was a veterenarian.

Lisa Atwood (Lara Jean Marshall) -- the nice richie. Don't let her wealth fool you like it fooled Stevie and Carole that first episode. Lisa's down-to-earth and pleasant, and also a bad luck magnet for some reason. Truly. In the first season alone, she ends up being bitten by a snake, thrown down a mineshaft, almost killed by a bout of appendicitis, and goes into a coma. A freakin' coma.

Veronica DiAngelo (Heli Simpson) -- the mean richie. She's the girls' main nemesis, the smarmy blonde who needs everything to go her way. She also kinda looks like Leonardo DiCaprio, which is weird but I think worth mentioning, no?

Kristi Cavanaugh (Kia Luby) -- Veronica's lackey, and totally my favourite character. She was cool in her own right, though, and her main character trait was that she was in love with Red the stablehand. She, uh, developed a little quicker than the others, so she was probably a lot of the older brothers' favourite, too.

Red O'Malley (Nathan Phillips) -- the sexy stablehand. He's kind and sexy and good at his job, and...and sexy. I had such a crush on this guy, and I actually got to see him in the flesh once when he filmed a movie in my suburb. (He bowled at the bowling place where I bowl!) He was recast in the second season, but thankfully I'd stopped watching by then. Oh, and Americans -- he was the guy from Snakes On A Plane, the one who wasn't Samuel L. Jackson.

Max Regnery (Brett Tucker) -- the stable owner. He's a little bit strict, but generally nice as pie. And ladies, he really does make Red look like a boy. He was definitely the eye candy of the show for the mums/older sisters/Lorelai 2010.

Mrs. Reg (Catherine Wilkin) -- Max's mother and Pine Hollow's co-owner. She's the sweet older lady who, by the looks of her, squeezed out Max at the ripe old age of nine.

Phil Marsden (Glenn Meldrum) -- the guy of the group. He ends up being Stevie's boyfriend, but at the start is just a nice shot of testosterone in an otherwise female cast of characters.

Ashley (Janelle Corlass-Brown) and Melanie (Mariska Sieta) -- the younger girls. Melanie is Lisa's little sister, and Ashley is her friend who always hangs around for the cred. In the second season, Mariska was replaced with the more looking-like-Lisa-esque Jessica Jacobs, who actually died not long ago in a train accident.




Pine Hollow is gearing up for a special mystery weekend. Not to be confused with the overnight trail, which was last week's episode. Stevie, Lisa and Carole are checking out Phil's horse, while Veronica is checking out Phil's mate Greg. Nice. Phil and Greg walk over to the ladies and start giving us some exposition about how the mystery weekend is supposed to raised enough money to save their beloved pony club. A...a pony club? Really, Phil? You try and pick up girls by talking about how you're in a pony club? What kind of queer shit is that? To save Phil from any more questions about his sexual preferences, Max appears in a Sherlock Holmes-esque outfit, yammering on about how a crime has been committed and a horsenapping needs to be solved. Aw, jeez. My thoughts go out to Brett Tucker, who's actually quite a good actor when he's not whoring himself like this.

Credits time! See, this is where this show differs from simply every other one I know about -- the main version of the theme song is actually sung in the closing credits, while the opening credits are accompanied by a modified instrumental version. Isn't it usually the other way around?

All the kids are getting ready for their ride, except Phil, who tells Stevie that he's feeling sick. Cough*bullshit*cough! Ahem. Anyway, Stevie runs into some really snappy girl named Nia who acts all shady. Is this part of the mystery, or is she just it a bitch? That's the question you must answer if you want Saddle Club bragging rights. (I'm assuming you do.) Greg the random friend seems to think that it's the latter. He goes into Mrs. Reg's office where his father (the cold businessman type) is talking on his mobile. His dad pretty much ingnores him, because, seriously, kid's in a pony club. Clearly daddy dearest ain't exactly thrilled. Veronica comes up to Greg and offers to let him ride on hers and Kristi's team now that Phil's chucked a sickie.

Ashley rushes in and tells everyone in her little munchkin voice that her brand new saddle is gone as well. Gone from the room where that bitch Nia was loitering around before, too. The sociopathic Saddle Club decide that it must be a clue to the mystery. Carole's like, "Ashley was great. Those looked like real tears!" That's because they fucking were, Carole. How many small children do you know that can cry on cue?

The kids all get on their horsies and start looking for clues. So...is the plan just to let these twelve-year-olds ride around in the bush by themselves with absolutely no help or guidance or anything? Because that doesn't really seem safe. Did they not watch the episodes with the cliffs and the mineshafts and the snake bites? Stevie sees a figure running through the bushes, and swears that it looks like Phil. Carole and Lisa think she's delusional, or maybe it's wishful thinking. (At this stage in the series, Stevie and Phil have a sort-of Kristy Thomas/Bart Taylor relationship.)

Meanwhile, Veronica is trying to get up close and personal with that sexy pre-pubescent Greg fellow. Greg complains that his father only sees his pony club as a business deal; he never actually comes to watch his son prance around on a horsie. Greg, this is an easy fix: stop calling it a pony club and put on a copy of The Man From Snowy River. There's nothing more manly than The Man From Snowy River! He's a freakin' stockman, for goodness' sake! He has a hat! And a whip! Veronica and Greg try to out-deadbeat-dad one another, and while all this is going on, Kristi finds a clue in a golden envelope. Dang, Kristi, I knew there was a reason you were my favourite. The clue suggests they head towards the creek for the next one, and Kristi takes the envelope off the tree. Greg's like, "Sacrilege! How will the others find the clue if we take it?" Veronica tells Kristi to put the clue back, then takes it when Greg's back is turned. Not even true kiddie love can stop Veronica's Veronica-ness. It's oddly comforting.

The Saddle Club girls are riding around aimlessly, looking for clues that aren't there anymore. Stop for a second and think how funny that is. They're just wandering around in circles! It's awesome! Lisa finds some hoofprints in the dirt and think they're a clue. Hint: they're not, but it makes it even funnier that they think that. Just when the girls think they've caught a break, the bell rings and they're forced to retire for the night. Wow. Short mystery day.

Back at Pine Hollow, the kids are having dinner. Stevie approaches Phil and asks him if he's feeling better, and he acts all shifty and says that's he's not. Right, 'cause he's not up to anything at all. Lisa talks to Sam (a tertiary character there's no need to care about) and he complains that his group has hardly found any envelopes. Lisa's like, "What envelopes?" Heh. At least Sam's found some. Greg rushes in and yells about how his tack's gone missing. I'm not sure what a tack is, but I heard it enough times during my Saddle Club phase to know it's some horsie crap. (How helpful am I?) Lisa's like, "Ha ha, another clue," and Max is like, "No, Lisa, you insensitive little jerk. The clues are in fucking envelopes. You'd think you would understand this by now, seeing as how Sam literally just told you that."

It's time to hit the hay. Literally. The kids are all camping out in sleeping bags on top of haybales. That can't be sanitary or comfortable. Veronica is going on about how sad it is that someone stole Greg's tack, and bitchy Nia comes along and tells her that his tack was flashy and overpriced anyway. Way to act like suspicious, Nia. Unless of course Nia's actually a red herring -- then she's actually doing her job really well. I'd probably be stumped if I was eleven again and hadn't already seen this episode. Mrs. Reg comes along and tells them that it's lights-out time, and Ashley, scared that there could be a thief in the building, asks her to leave them on. Mrs. Reg's like, "Uh, no." How kind you are, Mrs. Reg. It should also be noted that Ashley's wearing a hat to bed, which is a little odd, no?

Lights out apparently means nothing for the Saddle Clubbers, who start talking about how screwed they are re this whole mystery thing. Lisa, ever the optemist, suggests that the hoofprints they found could be clues to the real mystery of the tack-thief. Hmm, I like how Lisa thinks. Are you coming last in your pony club's mystery game? Don't worry, just make up your own and win that by the default of you and your friends being the only people who know about it! Carole suggests that since the hoofprints were made by special horsie shoes (or something -- I'm failing in horsespeak right now, aren't I?) then it can't possibly be anyone from Pine Hollow. Steve suggests that Phil's the tack thief, and all the girl gasp. How dare she accuse her sometimes-boyfriend!

The girls go downstairs to look for clues. Lisa complains that the tack room's locked, so Carole gets the spare key. Whoah, check it out, Stevie -- Carole knows where the spare key is! By your shitty logic, she must be Phil's accomplice! They go into the tack room and Lisa, with a confused look on her face, announces, "Everything here's safe and sound!" Well duh, Lisa, the door was locked. It was locked up nice and tight until you and your friends unlocked it. The girls then go into Mrs. Reg's office and guard the (locked) door. Just in case that whole lock thing doesn't work. The second they fall asleep, a shadowy figure picks the lock and goes a'stealing, naturally.




Morning comes, and Veronica wakes to find her tack gone. Who could need this many tacks? (Unless they're like, disposable, but then I don't really see what the big deal is. God, I really need to work out what a tack is.) The Saddle Clubbers come see what all the fuss is about, and Veronica accuses them of stealing her tack. It seems that Nia saw them go downstairs in the middle of the night and unlock the door. Max tells Carole off, probably because she's black. I'm just saying. Stevie and Lisa come to Carole's defence and say they were all in on it, so Max disqualifies them all from the mystery weekend. Dum dum DUUUUM! No great loss, considering they were coming last anyway.

Greg is walking his horsie around the stables when Phil comes up and asks him why the thief stole his tack and not his bridle. Joy, another horsie term. I just know that it's all stuff you put on a horsie pre-ride. Greg admits that it doesn't really make sense, and maybe the thief doesn't know what he's doing. I'll say. While this is going on, the Saddle Clubbers are mucking out the stables. Whoah, so their punishment is to sit out the mystery AND shovel crap? Can a riding school even make their students do that? I mean, I used to take group keyboard lessons when I was eight, and I was behind my share of class disruptions, but not once did they ever make me clean the toilets. Anyway, Veronica comes along and tells them, "Max lent me some tack." So it's some tack now, as opposed to a tack? Is...is this tack they speak of shapeshifting? Can it spontaneously multiply? I should Google it, but by this point, my stubbornness has well and truly taken over.

Max comes along and ushers the remaining contestants to their trusty steeds. He tells the girls that he hopes he can trust them not to leave the stables until they're done with all the shovelling. Right, Max, because that's what I'd do with my prime suspects -- I'd leave them alone, unsupervised and with the knowledge of a spare key to the scene of the freakin' crime. Think about it, Maximilian. The girls seem devastated that Max is disappointed in them, and to be honest, I would be too. His 'disappointment' face is truly heartbreaking.

Phil comes by, walking his horse, and Stevie's like, "Hey Sickie, WTF are you doing if you're so sick, Sickie?" Phil tells her that maybe getting some air will help him feel less sick, and then expresses his disappointment that they're not in the comp anymore because he knows he didn't do it. And how does Stevie react to these kind words? By saying behind his back, "Of course he knows we didn't do it, because he's the real thief." Gee, that's nice. There's the Kristy Thomas in her coming out again.

In the office, Mrs. Reg asks Max if he really thinks the Saddle Clubbers stole Veronica's tack, and he admits that he doesn't. But they did go into the tack room after curfew, which warrants a punishment in his books. I like that Max actually has the nerve to punish his best students. All too often, a teacher/parent/horsie instuctor in the YA genre will give us some shitty reason why he can't possibly reprimand a certain invidual, even though the truth is that he simply likes 'em too damn much. (I'm looking at you, Mr. Collins!) In fact, we actually get this exhange, which I am quoting verbatim:

Max: Veronica's right, Mum. If it were any other students, I would have
disqualified them. I can't show them special treatment.
Mrs. Reg: Of course you can!

Mrs. Reg, for shame! I used to like you. In fact, Mrs. Reg looks and speaks exactly like one of my high school teachers, except this bitch I'm talking about had balls of steel. She was awesomely evil, and totally my second-favourite teacher. (I really can't look past the gay, musical theatre-loving Legal Studies teacher who fell asleep when we went to the supreme court to watch a trial.) But enough about me. Just as Mrs. Reg is singing the praises of the Saddle Club, they're sneaking out to find the real tack thief.

The girls saddle up their horsies and follow the strange footprints...straight to Phil. They confront him about being the tack thief, and he's like, "Seriously? You girls call yourselves the smart ones, and you still think it's me?" Lisa yells about how she can't believe he stole from the Pine Hollow peeps, and he has to reiterate that he didn't steal anything -- he's the one who's been planting the clues. Phil is in on it, y'all. Yell out if you didn't see that one coming. *Crickets* Yeah, that's what I thought.

Stevie calls bullshit on Phil's excuse, because why would he be going around on Day 2 leaving clues? Phil tells them that he's now trying to clear their name -- he thinks it's Greg who's stealing all the tacks. Just then, they spot Greg riding like the wind. I'm not sure what he's doing by himself without his mystery group, but there he goes. I totally remember how this Greg thing ends, because this was one of the episode I based my fanfiction on. I'm not going to tell you who the perp is, though; you'll just have to wait and see like everyone else. Or you could use logical thinking and reasoning to work it out as well, if that's what floats your boat.

In the ensuing chase, Greg falls off his horse. I don't think it's supposed to be suspenseful, because they've got this weird fruity flute music playing in the background. Carole rushes to catch up to his horsie, while Phil, Stevie and Lisa corner dear Gregory and take him back to the stables. I guess the mystery weekend's over, then.

In the lounge, Phil asks the girls how they could possibly think he was the thief. You know, if I were him, I'd be a bit more upset about their false accusation. Lisa's like, "So what about that chick Nia? Why was she acting like a heinous bitch-monster?" and Phil tells them that she was helping him hide Nickel for the mystery, or in Lorelai's words, "being a red herring." Hold on, wait...they actually hid the horse? Isn't that a bit literal? I'm not sure what the need was for hiding the horse, but okay. Max comes in and yells at the girls for disobeying his orders and leaving the stables, but they tell him (and Mr. Greg's Businessman Dad, who just happens to be there) that they caught the tack thief -- and it's Greg. Just then, Mr. Greg's Businessman Dad's phone rings, and Greg storms out dramatically. Because all this was about a little bit of child neglect! Of course! Stevie suggests that he go talk to his ne'er-do-well son instead of answering his phone, and suddenly Mr. Greg's Businessman Dad sees the error of his ways! Nothing like some hard truths from a twelve-year-old with an unkind face. Nothing really happens with this whole Greg thing, though. I guess he just gives everyone their tacks back and leads an unhappy, tackless life. Eh, whatever. Nobody really liked him anyway, except for Veronica, but she's pathological so she doesn't count.



It's time for the presentation of the mystery weekend trophy. Mrs. Reg announces that Veronica and Kristi are the winners, and everyone kinda groans and mutters under their breaths. Heh. The girls go over to congratulate their nemeses for plot contrivances' sake, and Phil (I included him in the collective 'girls' at the start of the sentence) notices that Veronica has a bunch of gold envelopes in her pocket, and the two get disqualified. Mrs. Reg decides to give the trophy to the Saddle Club. Fuckin' why, Mrs. Reg? How is that fair? They didn't even participate! And everyone in the lounge cheers for them, even Sam and Co. who actually found a couple of envelopes. The look on Kristi's face at the end there is pretty much the look on mine as well. Screw the brown-nosing Saddle Club, man.

And that's where this episode ends. I should make mention that this is actually where my favourite Saddle Club fanfiction started -- Red the stablehand (who wasn't even in this episode, but that didn't stop me) gets mad at Kristi for cheating, but then Sam falls off a cliff and she ends up saving his life and redeeming herself. I think Max may have even given her the trophy for it, too. Also, I'm embedding the end credits in here for you to take a look at, mainly because the song is bloody catchy and if I have to suffer, so do you.

Recap: Another Round The Twist -- Toy Love

I was actually planning on recapping an episode of Barney the Dinosaur today, but YouTube seems to have, uh, lost it somehow. I don't get how, all I know is that I was watching the first part not long ago, and now it seems to have disappeared. I guess copyright laws strike again. Fuck you, justice system.

New readers, I suggest you catch up by glancing at any other Round the Twist material on this site. (Trust me, there's plenty.) Old readers, please remember that I used to ship Linda and James Gribble Jr. something fierce. Remember that? Do you? Huh? Well, this episode I'm recapping for you today is the episode where THEY GET TOGETHER. Well, kinda. There's a whole supernatural element to it, but they're totally in LUV.

(And by the way, this is the first episode I'm recapping with the new cast in it. Remember all those familiar faces from my previous screencaps? Forget them. They're dead to you now. This gang is way cooler, anyway.)


This episode begins with Bronson picking his nose. He's very into that at the moment, despite the fact that he's like ten years old, and do ten-year-olds still do that? Fay comes downstairs with a box of junk, and declares that they're going to have a big clean-out. Linda appears and reminds us that she's in love with total nerd-burger Anthony.

Backstory time: in previous episodes, Linda found a book called the Viking Book of Love. Every time someone reads a poem from the book out loud, the person they're reading to (or looking at) falls madly in love with them. Anthony read the book to Linda in the hopes of winning her favour last, and it worked a treat.

The kids go out to the front of the lighthouse to see what Fay's thrown out. A couple of Linda's old childhood dolls are sitting on top of the pile, including a Michael Jackson doll. You had better believe that Michael Jackson jokes ensue. (Example: Fay asks what happened to the doll's nose and chin, and Linda replies, "Fell off.") Tony picks up the other doll, a dirty-faced porcelain girl with a pull-string at the back, and reminisces about how annoying her "cuddle me" shriek was. Linda makes a throwaway comment about how she used to turn on her music box to make Veronique go to sleep. But alas, Veronique remains on top of the pile while Linda rescues her Michael doll. This is doll favouritism, folks, and as we'll soon discover, unloved dolls are much like unloved children -- they go batshit nuts. (That wasn't an intentional Michael Jackson joke, but I can see why you'd think that.)

Seriously. No jokes about this.

At school the next day, Gribbs is showing the Viking Book of Love to Tiger and Rabbit. I can't remember how he got the book, but you just know he's going to use it for shenanigans. Rabbit backs away and reminds us of a previous episode when he read a poem to Nell, and she fell in love with him. Tiger's response:

"It was such a beautiful thing -- you're 14, she's 110. She was so hot for
you, and still you wouldn't let her go the French kiss."

Above: proof that Tom Budge was the best Tiger in the history of the show. Rabbit tells Gribbs to be careful, and Gribbs tells him that he's not dumb enough to read one of the poems. I think he means again, because if memory serves, he read it into a mirror and fell in love with himself at one point. Anyway, he spies Linda and decides to make her his patsy. Dirrty! Gribbs, I would've been your patsy anyday.

In class, Mr. Snapper is rambling on about Shakespeare, and Gribbs speaks up and says that he uses way too many words. On account of him being a writer and everything. He tells Snapper that he's really into the Viking Book of Love right now (the identity of which is concealed using wrapping paper) and asks if Linda could read a poem or two out to the class. Of course she does, glaring at Gribbs the whole time, and Gribbs falls in love. Gribbs and Linda. In love! Twelve-year-old Lorelai nearly fell off her seat when she first saw this. Anyway, Snapper confiscates the book, and Gribbs tells her, "Let's not worry about possessions, now that we've found each other."

Back at the lighthouse, Fay and Linda are getting rid of more junk, when who should appear at the door but Gribbs! Linda tells him to get lost, and he thinks it's great that she's not into hoarding. Then he grabs a fake spider off the junk pile and nicks off. Dang, Gribbs, you hot thing. Linda will come around. You know she will.

We have a little music montage where all the Twists bring their junk back into the house. It seems they really are into hoarding after all, Gribbs. They eventually take everything in...except Veronique the unloved doll! She utters a creepy, "Cuddle me," just to let us know that bitch means business.

In the garage, Bronson is fixing a paper plane with the aid of super glue. On his finger. Which he then inserts into his nose in search of booger gold. Like you didn't know that was coming.

That night, Linda is fast asleep in bed next to her creepy Michael doll. Honestly, why are all of Linda's dolls so weird? The weirdest doll I ever had as a child was Shred, a handsome Ken figurine who became disfigured in a freak lawnmower accident. (Number two on my list of Ways Dad Wrecked My Childhood, just behind the incident where he taped over The Little Mermaid with a stupid soccer game.) Anyway, Linda's busy sharing her bed with Michael Jackson, and I'm busy not making jokes about this, when suddenly she hears, "Cuddle me!" Veronique is back, motherfuckers! Linda screams and screams, and when her family finally get their arses into her room, the doll is nowhere to be seen.

The next morning, Bronson comes downstairs with the neck of his jumper sitting just under his eyes, as though he's trying to conceal his nose area. Strange. Oh yeah, his finger's still jammed up there. Jesus, Bronson, see a doctor or something. Fay interrogates the family as to why they brought in all their "unwanted" crap, and when there's a knock at the door, they all jump up to get it. Holy day, it's Gribbs, ready to walk Linda to the bus stop! He's so thoughtful and gorgeous, in a fourteen-year-old kind of way. Linda obliges, because she's totally falling in love with him too.

You can see it in her eyes.

The whole gang is waiting for the bus at the bus stop, and when Linda pulls out her homework to give to Fiona, she finds Veronique in her backpack! Veronique the insane doll! Infiltrating backpacks! Bitch is one pathological toy. This is nightmare-inducing. This is probably how Sid felt in Toy Story when Woody did that spinning head thing and told him to play nice. Not so funny now, is it, kids? This shit happens to nice people, too, apparently, so you'd better start reminding your My Little Ponies how much you love them before they organise a stampede on your arses.

"We'll fuck your shit up."

Tiger and Rabbit give Linda shit for bringing her doll to school, and play a little bit of keepings-off. Gribbs spoils their fun and gives Veronique back to Linda, telling her that she doesn't need to be ashamed of her dolly. Linda maintains that she's not, but just in case, she runs over to the dumpster and throws Veronique in, yelling, "Leave me alone!" The bullies follow her, and Tiger and Rabbit laugh about how Linda's talking to her dolly. Linda runs off, Gribbs hot on her heels, and Tiger and Rabbit decide to fish around in the dumpster for Veronique. But if you think Veronique can't hold her own against two fourteen-year-old bullies, you're dead wrong -- she latches onto Rabbit's face like a crazed cat or something. It's...well, it's kind-of awesome, actually.

See? Awesome.

At home, Tony and Pete are making apple crumble in an attempt to coax Bronson out of his room. It works, and they realise that super glue + nose-picking = not a fun situation. At least Pete gets to do his David Attenborough impression by chronicalling the daily life of the "elephant man."

Linda goes up to her room and finds her Michael doll missing. She is apparently unhappy with this turn of events, if her screaming, "WHERE'S MY MICHAEL DOLL?!!!" is anything to go by. There is a knock on the door, and Linda, thinking it's Veronique, opens it and yells out, "I will not cuddle you!" Of course, it's Gribbs, complete with flowers and chocolate. (As if you couldn't get more appealing, Gribbsy Boy!) Gribbs is disheartened, but maintains that the two of them can work their way up to cuddling. Funny, too. Surely you can't blame adolescent Lorelai for being head-over-heels in love with this dude.

I still am a little bit.

Veronique takes this opportunity to rush in while the door's open. Crafty little doll. Linda's gone full-on crazy now, and this exchange happens:

Linda: Are you sure you didn't bring her back from the recycling bin?
Tony: Fay?
Gribbs: Is Fay getting recycled?
Linda: I bet she's upstairs.
Gribbs: When did she go upstairs?
Tony: I didn't even hear her come home.

Obviously that poses a serious question -- is a porcelain doll really recyclable? Anyway, Linda rushes upstairs, kicks down her own bedroom door for what I must assume is dramatic effect, and finds the place trashed. Gribbs wonders why Fay would trash Linda's room, and Linda tells him that it wasn't Fay, it was Veronique. Gribbs's rather intelligent respose: "That's a pretty small doll to do all this. Maybe if it was a big doll..." Well, it was intelligent for Gribbs. Linda gets the idea to lure Veronique out of hiding...with the music box she so casually mentioned at the start of the episode.

(By the way, I recognise that music box as a Fun N' Fashion one. I had so many of them because my uncle used to be one of the bigwigs at that particular company. I was even featured on the back of one of their packages, the ever popular Make-A-Fashion-Accessory. It's how I can put 'former child model' on my resume and not be lying.)

Downstairs, Pete and Tony are trying to get Bronson's finger out of his nose. It seems my suggestion of TAKING HIM TO A FUCKING DOCTOR has gone largely unnoticed. Instead they're using that whole 'tie a piece of string to the doorknob thing' that kids use in movies and Babysitters Club books to get their loose teeth out. It does not work. Linda and Gribbs come downstairs, and Linda pushes him out the door, muttering something about how great it was walking down the stairs with him. She totally doesn't mean it...yet. Gribbs feels that they're really connecting.

Linda goes up to her room with a hockey stick to finish off Crazy!Doll for good. And boy, is that doll crazy. It's now wearing a completely different expression, which is nigh on impossible for a doll with a painted-on face to do, and her eyes are glowing red. Yeah, red. This doll has managed to be infinitely scarier than all the supposedly badass vampires in Twilight, and it's only been twenty minutes. (In case you're interested, I totally just typo'd that as 'campires'. Best. Typo. Ever.) Linda menacingly tells Veronique to "cuddle my stick, dolly!" which definitely deserves a Dirrty!, don't you think?

Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to sleep tonight?

Back at the meeting of the Rhodes Scholars, Tony and Pete finally manage to pull Bronson's finger out of his nose with the aid of olive oil.

As Linda's facing off with Veronique, Bronson walks in with the Michael doll. He claims that he was just trying to fix Michaels' soundbox, but I don't know if I'm going to believe him. Cue the heartfelt music as Michael walks (yes, walks) over to Veronique as she begs him to cuddle her. Because that's what this whole thing's been about -- the love between two inanimate obects, not revenge of one inanimate obects over her former human companion. (Suck it, Chuckie!) All Veronique was looking for was to be Michael's Billie Jean! Naww!

Still not making any jokes about this.

And that's the end of this most historic RTT episode. The next one on the DVD is the conclusion of the Gribbs/Linda (Glinda) love affair, which I'm going to have to watch but won't recap for you...well, not today, anyway.

Round the Twist: Next Time Around

I don't mean to double-up on already recapped shows (it will happen eventually, once I run out of shows I like), but I'm afraid once again my Internet connection is being a douche and not letting me watch YouTube videos. I was halfway though watching Kanye publicly humiliating Taylor Swift (homeboy should not allowed out in public!) when it just stopped and I can't get it to work again. Now I've asked around, and there is literally no explanation for this. It's not them, it's me. I just...I don't even know. Occasionally, life is a bitch.

Sometimes when some aspects of life are, uh, bitches, others will find a way of letting you know that the big guy upstairs (God or Santa, depending upon your beliefs) hasn't forgotten about you. Yesterday, I was at my local Blockbuster Video, which is weird in itself because I never go there to buy DVDs. Nothing against Blockbuster; I just don't associate it with DVD purchasing. It's more of a rental place, but I'm a collector and not much into rentals. As it turns out, the ex-rental section of your local video store is a veritable Aladdin's cave of all things old-school. I found a copy of Round the Twist in less than seven seconds flat. Within two minutes I'd also found Little Elvis Jones, Postman Pat and a whole bunch of newer shit I have no interest in. Point is, Blockbuster rocks the party. It really does. (I didn't actually have my wallet on me, but I did manage to scrounge up my church change and buy Round the Twist for a mere five buckeroos. That's value, people.

So we're back to Round the Twist. In this episode, 'Next Time Around', Linda goes hypnosis-crazy and accidentally turns Pete into a chicken...and a firefighter...and a genius. To tell you the truth, I could've snarked any one of these episodes, because they're all comedy gold. (Thanks in large part to ranga Gribbs and his gang.) If YouTube doesn't start playing nice, expect more.


Our episode begins at the lighthouse. Pete, Linda and Bronson go out the front door...only to discover that their beloved lighthouse has been vandalised with 'Vote 1 Harold Gribble' posters. Now it's one thing to use the lighthouse as a vehicle for political sentiment, but it's a different kettle of fish if it's praising Harold Gribble. How dare they! He's EVIL! Of course, we know who's putting up the posters, don't we? It's our favourite tween bullies -- Gribbs, Tiger and Rabbit! Huzzah! They're very meticulous, too, and they've even got matching Harold Gribble T-shirts. Boo-yah, I need to get me one of those! Pete demands to know what all of this is, and Gribbs awesomely says, "Democracy at work." Hee! Gribbs, be mine.


Tony and Nell rock up, and Tony's holding a rooster for reasons that are yet to be established. Tony's mad. Nell's madder. Mr. Gribble and the Matron arrive, talking about how Mr. Gribble is running for senator. There's a mention of a casino planned, an idea we all know will come to fruition in the Yuckles episode, so that's a nice bit of continuity there. Gribbs is like, "Not now, Dad. Mr. Twist is about to chuck a wobbly. A big wobbly." Why is it that I can always count on Round the Twist for my daily dose of lame nineties slang? It's refreshing, in a sad sort of way. And seriously, how did Mr. Gribble think he was going to get away with this? Ohh, that's right -- the posters are a plot device to get all the main characters together. Since this is the new cast's first episode and all. Pretty clever, scriptwriters.

Later on, Linda's reading a book about hypnosis. I guess this is the hippie side of Linda taking over again. She does that sometimes. (Except in the last series, they turned her into a complete legume-eating nutjob. So not impressed.) Pete explains to Bronson that some people believe in past lives, and that Bronson must've been a pig. Or a hippopotamus. Or a fridge. Get it, 'cause he eats a lot? Glutton Bronson's another thing that got old as the series went on.

Fay comes around with a bottle of wine for Tony. As they greet each other, Pete and Bronson mock them. It's funny. Fay only hears Bronson mocking her, though, and you can tell it pisses her off a bit. We're only one episode in, and already we're into the Bronson-hates-Fay storyline. Finally -- finally! -- someone decides to ask what the fuck Tony's doing with a chicken on the dinner table. Thank you! How did we get this far without anybody asking that?! Apparently Russell the rooster can count. All Tony does is say, "Russell, number four," and Russell pecks the table four times. (Thanks to some beyond shonky early-nineties SFX.) Always the smartarse, Pete says, "Russell, number 5,622." Russell goes berserk because not only can the little guy understand numbers, he also knows that if he's given large numbers to peck, he's gotta pick up the pace. Smart chook.


Apparently there's a section in Linda's book about hypnotising chickens. How very convenient. Tony's like, "Don't fucking hypnotise my counting rooster, Linda," which I think is a fair enough rule for a father to lay down. By the next morning, Linda's broken the rule and started trying to hypnotise Russell. Linda, shame. And you're supposed to be the good kid! Pete tells her it'll never work, and Bronson hilariously says, "Stuff in books never does!" Hee! Linda makes some clucking sounds, and whaddaya know? Russell freezes on the spot. Pete's all impressed at her mad hypnotising skillz now. Um, why? All she did was give Russell a severe case of rigour mortis...without the 'mortis' part. (Hopefully.)


Pete tells her to hypnotise him (because the chicken hypnosis ended so well?), and at first Linda refuses. Then Pete dares her. Because if you're a character in a kids' show and someone dares you to do something, you totally have to do it. And before you ask, yes, Linda's hypnotism method involves the phrase, "You are feeling veeery sleeepy!" Not at all unoriginal, RTT. She tells him that when she says "now," he has to act like a chicken for ten seconds. And you know what, kids? It totally works. I'm not even kidding. Not only that, but it wasn't a one-time deal -- any time anyone says the word 'now', Pete acts like a chicken. Surely this will result in a number of crazy hijinks throughout the episode! I'm counting on it.

Tony tells the kids that it's time for school, and Pete decides that the best thing to do with the now-frozen Russell is to bring him to school. Because Tony won't notice that his rooster's missing or anything. Oh, and they're using a stuffed chicken as Russell now, in case you were interested to know how they got that rooster to stand still for so long. It's actually a little bit creepy. In the car, Tony uses the word 'now', and Chicken!Pete returns. Gotta love that Chicken!Pete.

When they get to school, Gribbs and his pals immediately notice that Pete has a chicken in his bag. Since bringing poultry to school is not usually the norm, not even in crazy kangaroo-riding Australia, they decide to do the only thing they could do in this situation, really...play footy with it. Yeah, I don't get it either. They throw it and kick it around, Rabbit commentating the whole time, and feathers and shit are flying everywhere. Fuck me, if that rooster wasn't dead before...


Eventually, Gribbs throws Russell into the air and Pete marks it, specky-style. Them's some mad footballing skillz, Pete. Even Gribbs admits that it's a good mark -- he actually claps. I kind-of like it when the bullies are friendly with the Twists. I don't really know why. (Maybe it's the Gribbs/Linda shipper in me.) In all the other seasons, they're mortal enemies except for the last episode, where they inevitably must team together to defeat some sort of evil. But this season, there's a bit of respect going on between them. I think they'd be famous friends if they didn't, you know, not like each other.

Finally -- finally! -- Rabbit asks Bronson why Pete's got a chicken at school. THANK YOU! Why are the obvious questions always the last to be asked?! Bronson, being a lame douchebag, tells the bullies the whole story -- that Linda hypnotised the chicken, and then she hypnotised Pete into acting like a chicken whenever someone says the word 'now'. Oh come on, Bronson! Of all the people to tell that shit to, you go with Gribbs and Co.? Really? You little idiot.

In school, Mr. Snapper is teaching a lesson about reincarnation. You mean the topic Pete and Linda just happened to be talking about before? How very convenient. Gribbs says he didn't do his homework last night because he was helping Mr. Gribble with his campaign. Or as he says, "I was doing political studies." Gribbs is a great spin doctor, he really is. Mr. Snapper tells Gribbs he can do it now. Of course, as soon as he says the word 'now', Chicken!Pete returns. The whole class finds this hysterical, especially Gribbs. He's like, "Wow, Dumb Shit Twist was right! I'm so gonna have fun with this!"


Later on, everyone's silently doing their work, when Gribbs leans forward and stage-whispers, "Now!" Pete starts acting like a chicken again. He even pecks at Mr. Snapper. Cut straight to Pete in the yard, surrounded by the bullies and a whole bunch of nondescript students screaming, "Now!" over and over again. It's a pisser. Comedy gold. Gribbs and the gang are WIN+.

Pete gets held back at school for all the chicken behaviour. Apparently that kind of thing's not tolerated at Port Niranda High. Hmm. As punishment, Mr. Snapper gives him a whole lot of maths problems to solve. Ugh, there is no worse punishment in my mind. Pete's just happy to get out of there without Snapper using the word 'now.'

Okay, now this next part is hysterical. Just plain hysterical. The bullies are roaming the halls, looking for Pete, singing "Now, now now, now now now now now now!" to the tune of Mozart's 'A Little Night Music'. Gribbs even does a little jig as he passes Linda and Fiona. Best. RTT. Moment. Ever. Richard Young, Drew Campbell...even the dick who plays Rabbit, you are all legends. LEGENDS!

As soon as they leave (and finish what will forever be known as the Now Symphony), Linda and Fiona open the cupboard they were leaning on. Pete's in there, ears blocked. Naww. I find it very hard to sympathise with you, Petie, because you kind-of asked for it. Literally. It's about three seconds before Fiona says the word 'now.' Jeez. Fiona, do you not get what we're doing here? Someone fill Fiona in on the rules of the game.

The three walk outside, and are puzzled to see a group of snails on the floor. Pete realises what's up instantly, but before he can back the fuck away, the bullies do the big villain reveal, and Gribbs calmly says, "Hey, Pete! Now, mate, now." Chicken!Pete comes to life and eats the snails. Ew. That is wrong on an awfully large number of levels. I think I like the bullies better when they're serenading us with jaunty songs.


At home, the Twists and Fay are eating dinner. Pete's solved his little 'now' problem -- he's got his Walkman (snigger!) playing full-blast. Tony's not impressed that he seems to be ignoring Fay and tells him to be sociable. Old Nell rushes over with her little nephew Tom in tow. (The twins are going to babysit him.) Tom is just about the cutest child ever, might I say. Nell's off to the council meeting to try and stop Harold Gribble from...um, well I don't know, really. She can't stop him running for senator. I don't know what she actually thinks she's going to do, but okay. Nell's a crazy old moll. There's a funny little bit where Pete's worried that Nell will say the word 'now', and keeps covering his ears and looking like a douche. Poor Pete. It's just not his day.

After the adults leave, Linda decides that it's about time she un-chickened Pete and re-chickened Russell. Somehow she gets her shit confused, and reverts Pete back to a past life, where he was a fireman. The fact that Linda’s practising hypnotism with dental floss is kind-of a red flag. Fireman!Pete manages to lock Linda and little Tom out of the house, take the hose into the living room and fight an invisible fire. I just...God, I don't even know. Round the Twist loses me sometimes. And for the love of all that is holy, some please confiscate Pete Twist’s butt-fugly sweaters! Where’s the humanity?!


Linda apparently hasn't had enough failure for one day. She decides that the best thing to do after a hypnosis-gone-wrong is to try more hypnosis. Oh my fucking God, Linda, get a clue. She starts hypnotising the toddler in front of her, and suddenly those Babysitters Club brats no longer seem like the worst people to leave your kids with. At least none of them ever tried to hyptnotise their charges. (Have they..?) One thing that pisses me off is that Linda keeps calling Tom "Baby". For what reason? He's not even a baby! If I can learn his name, so can you, Linda. Maybe it's a nod to Dirty Dancing that I just don't get.

Linda gets Tom to revert back to his former life...as a pro wrestler. I so believe that. Little Tom the wrestler manages to kick down the lighthouse door, pick up Pete and do some wrestling moves on him. Again, nineties special effects reign supreme here. I think having small children lift teenagers over their heads must fall into the "it was funnier when we were younger" category. Fireman!Pete's already flooded the house fighting his nonexistent fire, though, so I see trouble ahead.


Tony gets home. Dude is pissed. Again, rightfully so -- they did flood his house. Tony's actually a half-decent parent sometimes. (The leaving-a-three-year-old-with-a-hypnosis-obsessed-teenage-girl thing aside, obviously.) He yells at the kids for the flood "because Tom could've gotten a chill!" Um, Tony? Your stupid-arse daughter fucking hypnotised the kid! Remember? But no seriously, yell at her for the chill thing. The point is, you're still yelling at her. Tony tells the kids to clean up the flood. As he bloody should. The only problem is, Pete spends the whole night doing it...and doesn't do his maths problems! Oh noes! Snapper's gonna be super angwy!


The next morning, Linda's holding everybody up. She says she's been "talking to Russell", and then gives Pete his maths homework. Oh, don't tell me...Russell can do algebra as well? I guess Linda must've un-hypnotised him, then, 'cause the last time I checked, dude was frozen stiff. And how unnecessary is it for Linda to make Russell do Pete's homework? It's called a fucking calculator, Linda, jeez.

Cut straight to Pete sleeping before school. There's a crowd around him, singing a 'now' song again. (Led by his royal highness, James Gribble.) This time the melody is a sort of rocky-jazz number, kind of like a generic 'Greased Lightning'. They get confused when Pete doesn't even wake up, let alone turn into a chicken. Gribbs even grabs his ear and sings right into it. Oh, Gribbs, you deserve legend status most of all.

Snapper comes in, and Pete wakes up and freaks out. Apparently he didn't think to look at the homework Linda gave him at all, 'cause he's still under the impression that the questions are half-done. Snapper's astounded that he's answered all the problems correctly. CHEATER! IT WASN'T PETE, IT WAS A ROOSTER! The bullies decide to steal Linda's hypnosis book. Because that will end well.

Later on, the kids are in the shed again, and Linda explains how she managed to finish Pete's homework so quickly -- she got her fucking slave rooster to do it for her. Mean, Linda. I'm so calling PETA on your arse. Suddenly, Mr. Gribble pulls up, and Rabbit and Tiger lead Gribbs out on a leash. They're freaking out because Gribbs is acting like a monkey. He even eats a rotten banana, skin and all. Now that's what I call a dedicated actor. Monkey!Gribbs also appears to hump Mr. Gribble's leg at some point, which is a little weird, but okay. And that's pretty much the end. Gribbs gets the short stick again.

Hope this recap sufficed until my computer can sorts its shit out! Love to all, and remember -- practise safe hypnotism!

Bananas In Pyjamas -- Getting Rhythm

Before you get excited, I'd better remind you that since Bananas in Pyjamas is a five-minute show, this recap isn't going to be quite as long as the others have been. And yes, I worked that out all by myself. It's just maths.

(By the way, this episode is available to watch on YouTube, but embedding has been turned off so you'll have to head on over there and watch it youself. I've provided a handy link for you, though.)

Watch the hilarity for yourself!

One day, the B-Nays in PJs are walking along the beach, as they often are. I do believe they are official beach-patrollmen, or at least that's what it says on their visors. Oh, and by the way, Bananas, visors and pyjamas are not really a good look. Anyway, the Bananas are cleaning up the beach when B2 finds a guitar. They actually don't realise that it's a guitar at first. B1 thinks it's "a paddle from a very fat canoe." B1, shame -- the PC term is 'overweight canoe.'

B1 finally turns it over and realises that it's a guitar. Yay, super fun times are sure to be just around the corner! B1 asks B2 to play him a tune, but when B2 goes to do so, what he discovers is truly horrible -- the guitar has no strings! Oh noes! At this point, B2 grips the guitar with both hands on the neck, and for a minute there I'm positive he's about to go all Kurt Cobain and smash it on a nearby rock. Which he doesn't. Shame, I'd have really liked to see that.

B1 tells B2 to put the useless guitar in the bin, and as he bends over to pick up said bin, B2 accidentally hits him in the butt with it. B1 giggles. Um, this show is getting a little too fresh for me. I know it was just an accident, but gee, that's inappropriate. B2 thinks that the sound of the guitar slapping lightly against his taut buttocks sounds like a drum, and asks B1 to do it again! So that's what their deal is!

The narrator actually says, "The Bananas thought the guitar sounded like a good drum, so they decided to keep it." Yeah, that's why they decided to keep it, because it makes a good drum sound, not for all those lonely nights in the bedroom they share. B2 even says, "It might come in handy, B1," and B1 suggestively agrees. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm a little frightened. On their way out of the shot, B1 spanks B2 twice more, and they make a weird pleasurable giggling noise. Seriously, they do. I tell you, when it comes to homoerotic non-human kids TV stars, Bert and Ernie ain't got nothin' on these two.

Oh, thank God, it's time for a Teddies scene. I can't take much more Banana-spanking. The Teddies are on the beach making a sandcastle. (Oh no, I can tell we won't be Banana-less for long.) The sandcastle is actually pretty impressive, considering it was made by creatures without opposable thumbs. They all congratulate each other on their successful sandcastle, and I feel a slight twinge of jealousy. They're all so caring and supportive of each other. I wish I was a Teddy. (Except I really, really don't want those freaky Bananas chasing me.) Amy reminds the other two that they have to go home because they're having a barbecue. They cheer again and rush off to light the fire. Because apparently Cuddles Avenue does not have a BBQs Galore.

Back to the Bananas. B1 is walking along the beach collecting rubbish, with B2 giving his arse a royal paddling the whole way. This is really getting too much. Suddenly, B1 comes across an old fishing rod. At least, the narrator says its old. Someone could've just left it there to duck into the water for a bit, but that wouldn't really advance the storyline much, now would it? B1 gets tangled in the fishing wire, and as B2 is coming to his rescue, he brushes against a bit of taut wire and it makes a sound very much like a guitar string. Um, no, you guys. I doubt that very much. B2 is so interested in the sound that bit of the wire makes, he just kinda leaves B1 caught up in the rest of it. Good lookin' out, B1. Then of course, we get the famous exchange:

B1: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, B1?
B2: I think I am, B2.
Both: It's fix-it time!

The Teddies are at home preparing for their barbecue. Amy is cutting up planks of wood, Lulu is emptying the pots and pans they used to make the sandcaste (so they can cook with them? Ew, Teddies, that's so not how we do things in the real world) and Morgan is sweeping up all the sand. It seems like it would've been easier if Lulu hadn't, I don't know, carried half the beach in her pots and pans. How much sand could there really be? The narrator informs us that Amy's sawing, Lulu's banging and Morgan's sweeping is making a pretty rhythmic sound. They are, in fact, Getting Rhythm, as the title suggests. After all, if it's good enough for Johnny Cash, it's good enough for the Teddies. Morgan declares that they sound "fantastic", which I daresay is a bit of an overstatement. Of course, this is the Teddies we're talking about, so they all cheer and support each others' musicality. What a great place to live.

The Bananas are at home making new strings for the guitar out of fishing wire. Would that actually work in real life? I'm gonna go with no. They finish up and go over to the stairs so they can sit down and play it. They kind-of have to squish up uncomfortably close in order to fit on the one step, and after all the spanking on the beach, am I the only one who wants to see them in separate rooms for a bit? Apparently fishing line is an excellent substitute for guitar strings, although B2 does have to tune it a little. I like that B2 knows how to play the guitar. That's a nice (if not decidedly out-of-the-blue) character trait for him.

Together (B1 plucking the strings, B2 doing the chord work) they beat out the very first line from what I remember to be their song from the Take One episode, where they recorded their very own song. Which for those of you at home, went a little somethin' like this:

We're making music together
We're gonna be friends forever
Singing out our
favourite tune
Now you can play and sing along too
We're making music,
we're making mu-sic

Oh man, that song! The memories! I've just had a nostalgia overload! I think I need to lie down for a bit!

At the Teddies' place, Morgan is cooking the sausages, because only men may barbecue. Bananas in Pyjamas lesson of the day -- respect your gender roles. Amy is still sawing through that plank, and I have to wonder why it's really necessary to do that in the middle of a barbecue. Can't whatever you're building wait until after, Amy? Jeez.

The Bananas rock up with their new guitar, and the Teddies are hella impressed. Of course they are. The Bananas go ahead and play the first line from the Making Music Together song. Even after the second time, I'm still so excited. Morgan decides that he wants to be in the band too (way to drink the Kool-Aid, Morgan) and starts sweeping along in rhythm to the song. Amy starts her neverending sawing again, and Lulu goes back to banging on the pots. Lulu thinks they should call their band the Pots and Pans Sand Band, and everyone cheers, despite the fact that it's kind of excluding them all. Kinda like Bon Jovi, or the Steve Miller Band. Lulu and her fucking pots and pans aren't even the main event! How rude can you get?

The episode ends with the narrator saying, "...and while they waited for their sausages to cook, the Pots and Pans Sand Band played on and on." You can keep calling it that, Narrator, but that name's never going to stick. I don't believe they were called that in the upcoming music-related episodes, mainly because by that time they've all swapped instruments and there's nary a pot, pan or grain of sand in sight. Thank goodness for small mercies.


Put a put of tea on the boil and crack out the scones, because next time ABC Not-Just-For-Kids goes British with T-Bag and the Pearls Of Wisdom!

Ship To Shore -- Tour De Circe

Okay, I fucking LOVED this show. Didn't you? Of course you did; I don't know why I'm even bothering to ask. You loved it because A) you were a city kid with lame parents who wished that you could spend all your time riding bikes with your mates or B) you did go around doing just that and found the Circe Island kids to be way relatable. Either way, there's no way you can tell me that when you hear that music your heart doesn't do a backflip. (That was a weird double negative I can't be bothered editing.)

Quick story: at uni not long ago, I was in a lecture listening to Dr. Looks-Like-Al-Pacino ramble on and on about nothing of interest when suddenly someone's phone rang...and their ringtone was the Ship To Shore theme song. I've never heard more excited whipsers in my life. You could actually see the nostalgia in the room, and for those of you interested, it's yellow. So there you go. Debate settled.

Today's episode is from season two, so it's going to be a good one. I don't know why, but I just assume season two is the best season of most TV shows. They've ironed out the kinks, I've made an emotional connection to the characters, the cast seems to mesh a little better, and it hasn't gotten old yet. And you know what? In most cases, I'm right. I could go ahead knock out a list of TV shows where the second season is the best one (Prison Break, Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls, Weeds), but that'd take way too much time, and I really want to get on with snarking Ship To Shore.

(Oh, and this recap might not be quite as detailed as the last two, because I'm really tired. Like, zombie tired. After entirely too much vino, I spent last night trying to get to sleep on my friends' floor, freezing cold, with nothing to cover me but my own leather jacket. On the plus side, I've never felt more rock 'n' roll.)



We kick off the episode with two people diving. (I've looked ahead, and it's geeky Gavin and moral Julie.) Gavin's looking at some seals, and Julie gets really mad at this for some reason. I don't know why. Isn't the whole point of going diving to check out the creatures of the deep? I've never been diving, but I don't know what else they'd be down there for. Anyway, they get out of the water and she storms off. Yeah, I don't know. Why was there always an annoying holier-than-thou girl kid in these shows? They might as well have just named he Linda Twist. (Or Ma-Ti).

Hermes Endakis, the island's security chief and all-round baddie of the piece, is in town putting up a flyer for the Tour de Circe. I'm going completely off-topic here, but when I was growing up I always thought it was spelled 'Andarkis', because I was one of those kids who wondered how things were spelled. Anyway, the townspeople are like "What the fuck's up, Endakis with an E?" and he explains that the Dafoe (Defaux? Defeau? I'm going with Willem's spelling 'cause he's awesome) company are sponsoring a bike race around the island. Get it now? Tour de Circe? Kinda like that other bike race in a different country of a similar name? Okay, I think we're all clued in now. The Circe Islanders are all up in arms about this, again for some reason I don't understand. They're just riding some bikes. Their fucking kids do it all the time.

Hermes lets everyone know that Derek (the dopey security guard dude) is going to be their very own pride and joy in the race, and they immediately start training. I remember not liking him very much, so it makes me feel happy to see him in anguish. Because I'm sadistic like that.
Back at the beach, Gavin is hanging out by himself when Jake comes by. I remember absolutely zero about Jake, but for those of you playing at home, he was the nomadic blonde-haired guy who lived on the beach. Remember? Yeah, no bells ringing for me, either. Anyway, he's so boring and pointless that I don't want to snark him anymore. Basically Gavin comes back a couple of times and discovers that Jake used to be in the navy and has a police radio listener-into. (What are those things called? Police band radios? Something like that. I like my non-word better.)

In town, Gavin, Julie and the girl with the round glasses whose name I don't recall are outraged about the bike race. Again, I must ask why. They're fucking BICYCLES! Not cars or motorbikes or anything noisy or pollute-y. Apparently Julie thinks it'll be dangerous to the wildlife, because if the wallabies wander onto the track the riders won't be able to stop in time. Fair point, Julie, but the race is taking place on the road where people drive in their big wallaby-squashing cars all the time! As far as legs go, you and your do-gooder pals don't have one to stand on.

Kelvin (remember him? The redheaded older kid? He was fun) sees this as a money-making scheme. He was always about the money. He and his friend, the unfortunately-named Babe, come up with a scheme to use Hermes's two-way radios to commentate on the bike race for the people on the mainland. For pay, of couse. Or something like that. You know, I remember absolutely nothing about this episode except for Kelvin and his two-way radios. He sells his idea to Dafoe, and now all he has to do is convince Hermes to lend him the two-way radios. Even though I'd say if ever Hermes was actually needed on this island (and usually he's not), this big bike race would probably be his time to shine, security-wise. Moving on now.

Oh, and in case you're wondering which kid hook-up I was hoping for in this TV series, it was Kelvin and Julie. Lord knows why. Now that I'm looking back, clearly he and Babe were a match made in heaven. They're so schemy and maniacal. That, and Julie's a righteous bitch who deserves a life of unhappy spinsterdom followed by a painful death. (See what I mean about the sadism?)

Kelvin's nerdy little sister (Sally? I'm gonna call her Sally) and her nerdy little friend Lou are trying to make some sort of super pet food for hamsters for school. When I was seven, they just made us learn our times tables, but whatever. Oh, and they're doing it in the storage locker of the security base, because the whole thing smells terrible and Sally's mother doesn't want the stench permeating her house. But she's perfectly happy to have it permeate her workplace? 'Kay then.

Julie and Gavin have drawn up a petition, trying to get people to be stupid like them and protest the Tour de Circe. LAME. Half the town are on their side (mostly the adults), and the others, led by Kelvin, heckle Julie. Which I love. Seriously, is Kelvin not the most awesome 90s TV ranga? Actually, both of the last two shows I've recapped have featured awesome rangas (who were the male in the fake relationship in my mind), so that's actually a tough competition to win. Who knew?

Hermes gets drunk with power, as always, and challenges the kids to a bike race. Wait, isn't this whole episode about a -- you know what? It doesn't matter. Just go on with the ridiculousness. Hermes says that if one of the kids (the kid he chooses) can beat Derek in a preliminary bike race, he'll call the whole thing off and they get to save the wallabies or whatever the fuck they're protesting about. Hermes, grow a freakin' brain. For what possible reason would you do that? You already have the permission and the funds to host the bloody bike race, why do you feel the need to gamble it on a bunch of kids? WHY? Start making sense, man!

The kids, who are NOT complete fucktards and DO understand that they have absolutely NOTHING to lose, agree to this. Hermes reminds them that he gets to choose which kid rides. He's like, "I'll take Fatty Fat Fat!" and Gavin is crushed, because he's not much for riding. Huh, that's new. Apparently he doesn't even have a bike and has to borrow one from Jake. Okay, was I just imagining all the bike-riding they used to do? Really?

The town mayor (who I do remember as being on Hermes's side most of the time), gets all mad at Hermes for this, because apparently he has a shred of common sense. And also because Derek has just contracted acute appendicitis. I love the way acute appendicitis always comes up at the worst possible moments in TV shows. It's like, "Well, we need a pretty serious ailment, but we don't want our character to be, like, diseased for the rest of their life. I know! Let's take out the ol' appendix!" Bravo, writers, bravo. Your creativity stuns me.

Kelvin comes up to Hermes and tries to ask him if he can borrow his two-way radio, but Hermes is all broody because he gambled the big race on a smaller race with an overweight pre-teen and now he has no cyclist. Kelvin tells him he has the only solution and gets Hermes into some lycra. Now there are two things wrong with this plan that I can see. Number one, why doesn't Kelvin just do it? Obviously he's a more experienced cyclist than Hermes, and younger too. And number two, I DON'T WANT TO SEE HERMES ENDAKIS WEARING LYCRA! EVER! OH GOD, MY EYES!!



Hermes and Kelvin start their training, but Hermes is pretty bad. Gavin is also training, and he's also pretty bad. Gee. Oh, and Julie and the glasses chick are following him around. How come Julie's allowed to ride her bike around the wallaby-infested town but the out-of-towners aren't? Please die. Seriously, Julie, I want you to be dead now.

While looking for Hermes, Kelvin comes across Sally and Lou in the storage department doing their disgusting pet food experiment. He gets a Great Idea. (Deliberate capitals.) He and Babe use a little reverse psychology to get Hermes to drink the mushy green pet food goo. Ew. And neat. Oh, and Kelvin and Babe have their own secret handshake! That's just an overload of awesome! These two would have such wonderful, scheming little half-black half-ranga children. Seriously. That's a spin-off I'd like to see.

Anyway, this pet food smoothie thing is apparently the spinach to Hermes's Popeye. He automatically becomes a better cyclist! I guess that's an A-plus for Sally and Lou. I do like that neither Kelvin nor Babe are under the impression that this pet food is actually having any physical effect on Hermes whatsoever, though. They get that the transformation's all psychological. That's a nice touch.

Oh, Jake is back. He tells Gavin to get his lawyer mother to dig a little deeper into this Dafoe corporation. That's all the information he offers. Jake, I think there's a reason I don't remember you. Thanks for being a pointless do-nothing lame-o who spends his time chillin' in his beach shack with ten-year-old boys.

Let's just skip to race day before I go back in time and kill Jake with my bare hands. I mean the little Gavin/Hermes race, not the actual Tour de Circe, just to clear things up for you. Gavin rides up to the crease, and as usual, only half the town is on his side. There are boos and cheers and some muffled trash talk. At one point, Kelvin very clearly screams out, "GAVIN YOU LOSER!" and I can't stop laughing. Kelvin, you legend, you. Babe's one lucky gal. ('Cept that her name's Babe.)

Hermes rides up, all super confident that he's going to win the race. He even has a water bottle filled with the pet food! That is awful. Anyway, they race and Hermes wins. Yep, that's it. Oh, and you know why he won, don't you? Because Gavin had to brake suddenly when a wallaby ran straight into his path! BURNED! Irony stings, motherfucker!



Kelvin and Babe are hugging Hermes, which is an inappropriate situation made even less appropriate by the fact that Hermes is wearing awfully tight lycra. Naww, how sad, Gavin and Julie lose. Losers! I'm chock full of sympathy for these little bastards, in case you can't tell.

Later on, the kids are all hanging out at that general store one of their mothers owns. (I'm extremely sketchy on the details with this show, aren't I?) Of course, Kelvin and Babe aren't actually hanging out with Gavin and Julie. They're sitting on opposite ends of the room, because Gavin and Julie have cooties and they know it. Anyway, Gavin's lawyer mother comes in and tells the kids that the race has been cancelled. Kelvin's like, "Whaaa?" and Lawyer Mum explains that she took Jake's advice and dug into the Dafoe payroll, and found out that the senator's nephew works for them. Which is a conflict of interest, apparently, and it's illegal for senators to back their nephews' companies' bike races. Or something. I did Legal Studies all the way up to year twelve, but we never really focused on bike race legalities, so I'm going to have to trust Lawyer Mum on this one. Since she spawned Gavin, I'm not sure I really want to do that. Besides, this is getting a little too Utegate for me. Anyway, Julie, Gavin and the glasses chick are all mighty happy. Kelvin? Not so much.

Back at the security base, Hermes is still downing the pet food. Dude, you can stop now. Kelvin tries to get him to stop, but Hermes is too busy going on about how good victory feels. He actually says, "Today, the bike race -- tomorrow, the Tour de Circe!" Hee! Not if you get accute appendicitis, Endakis. Just as he's taking a swig of the pet food, Sally and Lou come back and scream at Hermes that he shouldn't be drinking it -- it's made up of seaweed, spinach and snails! And puppy dogs' tails! (Just kidding about that last one.) Hermes spits it out and the kids laugh. Very amusing, children. I'm just glad Julie and Gavin weren't around to witness that moment; they'd have a freaking field day.

Oh, and check out the end credits -- that's Peter Jackson, of Lord of the Rings fame, producing. What. A. Show.

That's it for today, peeps. Next time, I brave the noughties for the sake of Lizzie Maguire. Wish me luck!

Round The Twist Series 2: Yuckles

This episode is from season two, which if memory serves was aired in 1992 or thereabouts. I remember having the last 20 seconds (and the awesome-upon-awesome end credits in their entirety) on my Rugrats tape. I do believe Bangers and Mash was on right after it, 'cause my mother never was any good at the whole setting-the-VCR dealie. Fine by me, though, because when I found this series on DVD at the library, I was hit with a gigantic wave of nostalgia. Let me tell you -- this episode ain't easy to forget.

Mr. Gribble is giving the locals a rundown of his Hairbrained Scheme of the Week -- he's going to cut down the forest and build a casino. As usual, his wife and the bullies are right beside him. I should just mention that this second Gribbs (Richard Young) was probably the best one. The twelve-year-old Lorelai in me just shot herself, because she used to be head-over-heels in love with the very last Gribbs. Like, madly in love. Now that I'm older and no longer macking on young boys anymore, I feel like I'm more impartial and thus give my stamp of approval to Gribbs #2. Congratulations, sir. Moving on now.

Linda, who if you'll recall is saintly and morally conscious (almost to a fault...without the 'almost' part), is outraged. Mr. Gribble tells her not to worry, because there will be some nice plastic trees for her to look at in the lobby. Not likely, Mr. G, she's only fourteen. Bronson's all, "But what about the animals?" and the Matron awesomely snarks back, "Plastic animals!" Hee! Normally I hate the Matron, but I have to admit that bitch has a great sense of humour.

Town meeting time. Whatever happened to all those town meetings in the later years? Anyway, Nell's presenting a slideshow about how beautiful the forest is, and how Mr. Gribble shouldn't be allowed to cut it down. We also get our first mention of Yuckles, an extremely rare species of yellow spotted mushroom that's supposedly found deep in the forest. Harold's like, "Shut up, bitch, no one's even seen a Yuckle!" The Lady Mayor, whose name I don't recall, calls on Linda, who goes on a LindaRant about how Mr. Gribble's generation has already failed the children of tomorrow or whatever. Shut up, Linda, nobody cares. Oh, and things are really tense between Fay and Tony, because they recently broke up and now Fay's dating Snapper. Ew.

Lady Mayor says that she'll give Nell until tomorrow's council meeting to come up with some proof that Yuckles exist, or else she'll put the casino idea to a vote. Two things -- would Lady Mayor really let a greasy businessman rip down an entire forest to put in a casino even if it wasn't infested with yellow mushrooms? Al Gore would shit a brick if he knew. And also, why is this Nell's responsibility? She's an old lady! Surely they can get some council people to go over there and have a squiz. Is it really that difficult? That's just lazy, Lady Mayor. Lazy.

As she's leaving the town hall, Nell falls over and sprains her ankle. See, Lady Mayor? Nell can't even walk down some stairs without breaking something! How can you make her go into the forest all by her onesie in search of Yuckles? How irresponsible! The Matron comes to check out her leg, because according to Mr. Gribble, "my wife has six diplomas." Hee! That's a running joke that really never got old. Other things to note in this scene -- the bullies don't laugh at Nell falling over, which is not really like them. People falling over is always funny, especially to bunch of mean boys in their early teens, and especially if it's an old person. Oh, and Bronson's wearing a Batman T-shirt. Mad props, B.

The next day, Nell enlists the help of Pete and Linda to go out into the forest and find the Yuckles. They tell Bronson that he can't come because he's too young, even though Bronson's usually the smarter of the three. Nell says that she's going to try and track down Professor Yuckle, the guy who discovered the Yuckles all those years ago. She has a photo of him standing next to a Yuckle with his twin brother. Which, personally, seems like pretty good proof that Yuckles exist to me, but apparently photographic evidence is not good enough for the Lady Mayor. Pete and Linda leave Bronson to hang out with Tony, who's all mopey over his break-up with Fay. Bronson soon decides to high-tail it outta there and follow P&L.

There's a little interlude where the Lighthouse Ghosts are sitting on the stairs watching Tony wallow in his own self-pity whilst looking at a photo album filled with happy snaps of him and Fay. Remember the Lighthouse Ghosts? One of them was played by a Daddo. Apparently Ghost Daddo can identify with what Tony's going through, because he gets a little teary, and Ghost Not-Daddo tells him "you'll never find her again." Ouch. Kinda harsh, Ghost Not-Daddo. Apparently the truth hurts everyone, even ghosts.

The bullies arrive at the forest. They've been sent by Mr. Gribble to make sure that if there are Yuckles in the forest, they're destroyed. The bullies come across a little pool of foul-smelling yellow gunk. Gribbs quips, "Ain't nature beautiful?" and I chuckle, because I love Gribbs. I also like the fact that he's a ranga with a mouth full of metal, and yet somehow he's the bully. It's the most logic-defying part of the entire show, and that's really saying something. Gribbs tells Tiger and Rabbit that if there are Yuckles in the forest, "the Twists will lead us straight to 'em." Then he throws his strawberry Big M carton on the ground -- because only bad boys litter. Captain Planet would be so disappointed.

Just after the bullies leave, a small mushroom with red spots suddenly grows right next to the Big M carton. Oh zing, it's a Yuckle! Score one to crazy old Nell! The yuckle grows to about the size of the Big M carton, then turns into a perfect facsimile of it. So now there are two Big M cartons. I have to say, it's not the world's best special effect, but it's not half bad either.

Pete and Linda ride up on their bikes, and Pete can smell the yellow gunk before he sees it and says, "This place pongs!" And I laugh, because I haven't heard the word 'pongs' in years. It died a quiet, peaceful slang death along with the words 'grouse' and 'dead meat'. I'm kind-of hoping that either of these come up in the remainder of this episode. P&L leave to go off into the forest, and the Yuckle disguised as a Big M carton makes a little giggling sound and explodes into a pool of...you guessed it, yellow gunk. So now we know how the Yuckles work, let's see how we can use this premise to create hilarious shenanigans!

Bronson arrives at the forest, and the three separate parties take this time to tick off their necessities checklist. On Pete and Linda's -- a compass, a map and a camera. On Bronson's -- chips, jam tarts and chocolate royals. (That's be my necessities checklist, too.) On the bullies' -- a giant stick and an axe. Oh my God, I love this episode. It's not specifically stated, but Rabbit is also carrying what appears to be a machete. What?! Where did he even get a machete? This is hysterically ludicrous, and I love it.

The kids go on their merry way -- Pete and Linda follow their map, Bronson follows P&L, and the bullies follow Bronson. It's classic. Along the way, Rabbit steps in some of the yellow Yuckle gunk, and the boys make him bring up the rear because "he sure smells like it." Seriously, I love these bullies. (Rabbit not so much.) But Gribbs and Tiger are WIN. How they didn't get their own spin-off series is beyond me.

Pete suddenly falls over and rolls down a hill. What a great stunt that was [/sarcasm]. There is no point to this scene, except that Pete's accidentally torn a hole in his backpack, and things keep falling out of it along the way. Of course, every item that hits the ground immediately causes a Yuckle to grow and turn into said item.

P&L get to a waterfall, and the only way to cross over to the other side is by walking across a slippery tree trunk. Linda does it with ease. Well gee, Linda, aren't you fabulous? What do you want, a medal? Pete is less enthused about doing this, and I have to say, I'm siding with Pete on this one. He gets about halfway across (with Linda making unnecessary comments from the other side. Stupid fucking Linda) when he slips and falls, one leg on each side of the log. Um, ouch, I guess. I'm a female of this particular species, but it's undoubtedly common knowledge that the groin area is, well, a sensitive place, and that couldn't have been much fun for poor Petie. He screams so loud, the bullies actually stop in their tracks, and Rabbit says, "Was that a Yuckle, Gribbsy?" Hee! The look on Gribbs's face is priceless.

Bronson crosses the waterfall pretty easily, considering. He picks up the compass that's fallen out the bottom of Pete's backpack. (Or is it..?) He hears the giggling sound, and the compass explodes in his hand, splattering him with stinky yellow gunk. Naww, poor Bronson! He always gets the short stick. If only bloody Linda would occasionally. That I'd like to see. Oh, and the Yuckles laugh at Bronson. Mean Yuckles!

Cut straight to the waterfall again. Rabbit is crawling right along the tree trunk, scared shitless. Gribbs is like, "Don't be a wimp! The Twist sheila went across, and the little squirt!" That. Is. So. True. Rabbit keeps repeating, "It's just a footpath, it's just a footpath," and I'm reminded why I dig Rabbit. This second Rabbit is pretty lame, though. I think I'm a fan of Rabbit #3.

Pete and Linda stop to discuss sandwiches. Yeah, I don't know, either. They hear Bronson stepping on a twig, and his cover is almost blown. Because this is the quietest forest on the planet. They didn't hear the fucking Yuckles laughing, but they heard when Bronson stepped on a twig. Even the bullies heard it. Jeez. As Pete leaves, a mug falls out of his backpack and hits the floor. A mug? For any coffee emergencies that may present themselves in the forest? Anyway, Bronson continues following P&L...and just happens to witness the Yuckles doing their transformation thing on the mug. He's like, "what the fuck is this?"

Pete and Linda finally -- finally! -- come across a whole bunch of giant Yuckles. They're all excited-like, and Pete puts his backpack on the ground. Linda takes some pictures to bring back to the council meeting. When the two look up again, there are now two backpacks. Linda can't grasp what's just happened, because nothing remotely weird has ever happened to her, ever. Pete goes to pick up one of the backpacks, and Bronson comes out, screaming at Pete not to touch it. Pete says to Bronson, "What are you doing here, toilet face?" and I wonder at exactly what age 'toilet face' stops being acceptable trash talk. Suddenly the backpack explodes all over Pete. Hee! I'm laughing almost as much as the Yuckles are!

Suddenly, Gribbs reveals himself. He tells his boys, "Seek and destroy!" Gribbs, I don't care if you are a fourteen-year-old brace-face ranga, I would like for you to marry me. I imagine that Richard Young is probably in his thirties now, but I don't want Richard Young -- I want Gribbs, dammit! The Twists split up, which is pretty smart, I guess. Instead of putting that machete to good use and destroying the Yuckles, all three bullies decide to run after Linda to steal her photos. Brilliant. Obviously when Gribbs and I do wed, I'll have to be the brains of the family.

There's a bit of a running-away montage, so nothing really happens for a while except that Pete and Bronson find each other in the bushes, and Pete tells Bronson to go to the council meeting and stall them until Linda gets there with the photos. Not important, moving on. I might take this time to tell you that when I was younger, I always really wanted Gribbs and Linda to get together. I don't know why, but I just did. They actually did for a couple of episodes in Series 3, when Linda accidentally read the Viking Book of Love poem to Gribbs, so I got my wish...for a little while. And it was so worth the wait, let me tell you. Anyway.

Linda runs around in circles, and ends up in the same Yuckles clearing she started out in. WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? She's got the whole fucking forest at her feet! Go to the goddamned council meeting, you douche!

Speaking of the council meeting, people have started arriving already. Fay's there with Snapper, and Tony delves deeper into his funk. Poor Tony. Nell comes to sit next to him, and tells him about how she tried to contact Professor Yuckle, and discovered that A) he's dead, and B) he didn't actually have a twin brother. So who was that Professor Yuckle lookalike in the photo with him? And why is this relevant? If you don't already know, I suggest you take a couple of common sense lessons, for your own good. How you've survived this long without them is beyond me.

Bronson rushes into the council meeting and says he and his siblings have proof that Yuckles exist, and that Linda will be there any second with the photos. Not if she doesn't get the fuck out of that forest, she won't, Bronson! This is Linda we're talking about -- she digs the forest way too much to ever leave it, even when there are three bullies with varying degrees of weaponry stashed in their backpacks running after her.

The bullies find Linda soon after (surprise, surprise) and Gribbs says, "Give us them photos or you're dead meat!" Again, thank you for the hip nineties slang. Linda doesn't respond to Gribbs's threats...at all. She just stands there, expressionless. The bullies are like, WTF? Gribbs decides to end this shit, and tackles her to the ground. Hee! You should've used more force, Gribbs.

The boys hold her down and attempt to...um, well, frisk her, I guess. Suddenly Linda smiles, and Gribbs gets weirded out, because this sort of morally-reprehensible behaviour doesn't usually turn Linda on. We hear the patented Yuckle giggle, and Linda explodes into a big mushy pile of stinky yellow gunk that all the boys fall in. Hee! 'Cause she touched a Yuckle and copied herself! Only Linda would ever think to do something like that.

Gribbs and the boys? They freak. The fuck. Out. They think they've killed Linda. I'm sorry, but what? They're fourteen years old -- at what age exactly do kids start to realise that people are NOT made up of gooey yellow shit? I think I learned that the first time I scraped my knee and started bleeding. Man, they're dumb. The highlight of this episode is definitely Gribbs crying and screaming, "I'm sorry, Linda!" to the yellow gunk. Legendary.

At the council meeting, Lady Mayor decides she can't wait any longer for Linda to arrive with the photos. Seriously, reading this, you'd think Lady Mayor is supposed to be evil, but she's not. Maybe she's hot for Harold Gribble. I don't know. As the townsfolk are about to vote on whether or not they want the casino to go ahead, the bullies burst into the room. They hold up a couple of plastic baggies filled with the yellow gunk saying, "This is all that's left of the Twist sheila!" Hee! Classic! They actually scooped Linda's remains into a plastic baggie! I love these boys.

They try to shirk the blame on each other, saying it's not their fault she died, and they weren't even near her when she "went up." Tiger tells Tony he was actually trying to save her at the time. Tony looks at the baggie and says, "Linda?" which makes me laugh. Mr. Gribble's reaction? "She always was a delicate kid." Hee! This show rocks.

While all the adults are getting a bit flustered over the whole Linda-turned-into-mush thing, Linda and Pete arrive with the photos! The bullies are hilariously confused, and keep looking from her to the baggies and then back to her. Harold quickly grabs the photos from her, in a state of disbelief and rage, and Gribbs quickly realises that those photos might not be what they seem. How he even realised what's going on so quickly is beyond me, especially coming from the kid who didn't realise that the puddle of smelly yellow muck was NOT Linda Twist.

Sure enough, the photos make the giggling sound and explode in Mr. Gribble's and the Matron's faces. Suck it, Gribble! It does seem a little strange to me that the Twists thought it'd be funny to make copies of the photos for the sole purpose of making Mr. Gribble look like a fool, but okay. I'll play along -- only because I adore this show more than mere words can express.

Well, that's it for this recap. I'll be back next time with another ABC Kids show, and another episode to recap. Thanks for reading, feel free to comment, and have a nice day! Oh, and if you see a strawberry Big M carton on the ground, don't pick it up...just in case.